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“You are in a relationship that is new to opening up where one or both partners are experiencing attachment insecurity and neither of you has any other relationships that you would be deserting or harming by closing up.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“The traditional ashrama system in Hinduism, for example, specifies that after having been a student and a householder and fulfilling one’s earthly responsibilities in the culture, a person should undergo the ritual of sannyasa (renunciation of worldly affairs) and shift consciousness towards preparation for giving up their body at the time of death. Without such a custom, we are often left to deal with the anxiety and stress of end-of-life issues without a supportive community or a clearly understood cultural context that contributes to our psychic security.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“Check out Deirdre Fay’s workbook Becoming Safely Embodied: A Skills-Based Approach to Working with Trauma and Dissociation.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“When our partners are able to articulate the ways that we are special and valuable to them, our interpersonal self-worth is supported. When we express the ways that we appreciate and are grateful for our partners, we create a culture of positivity in our relationships that allows mutual vulnerability, authenticity and joy to flourish. We can express the delight we have for our partners through our words, our actions, our touch, as well as just the look in our eyes. Diane Poole Heller and her colleagues use the term beam gleam (also known as the attachment gaze) to refer to the nonverbal expression of warmth, kindness and love that radiates from our eyes, letting our partners know that they are special to us.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy