Kelly

“States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends to hurt my feelings. I guess what bugs me is that it was put to a vote in the first place. If you don't want to marry a homosexual, then don't. But what gives you the right to weigh in on your neighbor's options? It's like voting whether or not redheads should be allowed to celebrate Christmas.”
― David Sedaris, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls: Essays, Etc.

“If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“This grown man who now phones his father to say, "Motherfucker, I ain't seen pussy so long, I'd throw stones at it.”
― David Sedaris

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”
― David Sedaris, Naked