Kristin

“...the finest act of seeing is necessarily always the act of not seeing something else.”
― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

“The night I shaved it off altogether, a Staff named Mark, whose take-no-prisoners approach I respected and feared, pulled me aside, looked me hard in the face, and said, Marya, your hair. I said, Yeah, so? crossing my arms in front of me. He said, It’s harsh. I said, Yeah, well. He leaned down and whispered to me: No matter how thin you get, no matter how short you cut your hair, it’s still going to be you underneath. And he let go of my arm and walked down the hall. I didn’t want it to be me underneath. I wanted to kill the me underneath. The fact haunted my days and nights. When you realize you hate yourself so much, when you realize that you cannot stand who you are, and this deep spite has been the motivation behind your behaviour for many years, your brain can’t quite deal with it.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

“I saw you come out with him. He hurt you." "Everybody hurts everybody."
"No."
He said no, but I wondered how could he not see that.”
― Joshua Gaylord, When We Were Animals

“Your ability to withstand pain is your claim to fame. It is ascetic, holy. It is self-control. It is masochism, and masochism pleasurable to many, but we don’t like to think about that. We don’t like to think that a person could have a twisted autoerotic life going on, be both a top and a bottom, and experience both at once: the pleasure of beating the hell out of a body shackled at the wrists, and the pleasure of being the body and knowing we deserve each blow.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia