Reagan Grambusch

“I want to love and be loved. i wan to find a way where I don't hurt myself. I want to live a life where I say things are good more than things are bad. I want to keep failing and discovering new and better directions. I want to enjoy the tides of feeling in me as the rhythms of life. I want to be the kind of person who can walk inside the vast darkness and find the one fragment of sunlight I can linger in for a long time.

Some day, I will.”
― Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki

“Yes, of course," she said, the words rushing out. "You're defending your country." She opened her mouth again, then bit her lip.
"Go on," he said. "Ask what you wanted to ask. I don't bite."
"Well, I suppose I just wondered whether you had... whether you had actually ever killed anyone."
He laughed.
"You know, you do seem much younger than sixteen," he said. "But in answer to your question- yes, I have. More than one." He stopped. There was a new, dark look in his eyes when he continued.
"You can't imagine what it's like. The Libyan heat sticking to you, day in, day out. Nothing but sand and rock for miles. Not a bit of green. All day, crawling in the dust, shooting and being shot at. Men dying around you. You realize, when you see a person die, that there's nothing special about humans. We're just flesh and blood and organs, no different to the pig that have us this bacon.
"So, all day, dust, death, everywhere. I went to sleep each night with dust in my mouth and the smell of blood in my nose. Even here- I'm still finding dust on me. Under my nails, in my hair, caked into the soles of my shoes. And I can still smell the blood. All so that some English girl, sitting pretty in her father's manor house, can ask me if I ever killed anyone.”
― Emilia Hart, Weyward

“Your self-esteem determines how you feel about the sincerity of others.”
― Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki

“I thought about why I am overly polite to people who are not important to me. It’s because they can hate me at any time. Because they can judge me and resent me for the smallest things I do. Meanwhile, because the people who love me already love me, and there’s a low chance they’ll start to hate me, I get snappy with them.”
― Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki: Further Conversations With My Psychiatrist