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Rodney Dangerfield
“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Rodney Dangerfield

Groucho Marx
“Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"
Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."
Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.”
Groucho Marx

George Carlin
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
George Carlin

Groucho Marx
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx
“If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.”
Groucho Marx

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Jane
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