“So we must forgive all those Who trespass against us? Fuck that shit. I’m not some charitable trust. There are people I will hate Even after I’m ashes and dust.”
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
“Utensil
While feasting
On venison stew
After we buried my mother,
I recognized my spoon
And realized my family
Had been using it
For at least forty-two years.
How does one commemorate
The ordinary? I thanked
The spoon for being a spoon
And finished my stew.
How does one get through
A difficult time? How does
A son properly mourn his mother?
It helps to run the errands--
To get shit done. I washed
That spoon, dried it,
And put it back
In the drawer,
But I did it consciously,
Paying attention
To my hands, my wrists,
And the feel of steel
Against my fingertips.
Then my wife drove us back
Home to Seattle, where I wrote
This poem about ordinary
Grief. Thank you, poem,
For being a poem. Thank you,
Paper and ink, for being paper
And ink. Thank you, desk,
For being a desk. Thank you,
Mother, for being my mother.
Thank you for your imperfect love.
It almost worked. It mostly worked.
Or partly worked. It was almost enough.”
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
While feasting
On venison stew
After we buried my mother,
I recognized my spoon
And realized my family
Had been using it
For at least forty-two years.
How does one commemorate
The ordinary? I thanked
The spoon for being a spoon
And finished my stew.
How does one get through
A difficult time? How does
A son properly mourn his mother?
It helps to run the errands--
To get shit done. I washed
That spoon, dried it,
And put it back
In the drawer,
But I did it consciously,
Paying attention
To my hands, my wrists,
And the feel of steel
Against my fingertips.
Then my wife drove us back
Home to Seattle, where I wrote
This poem about ordinary
Grief. Thank you, poem,
For being a poem. Thank you,
Paper and ink, for being paper
And ink. Thank you, desk,
For being a desk. Thank you,
Mother, for being my mother.
Thank you for your imperfect love.
It almost worked. It mostly worked.
Or partly worked. It was almost enough.”
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
“There are family mysteries I cannot solve. There are family mysteries I am unwilling to solve.”
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
“The Staging
In the weeks after my mother's death, I sleep
Four or five hours a night, often interrupted
By dreams, and take two or three naps a day.
It seems like enough. I can survive if I keep
This sleep schedule as it has been constructed
For me. But if it seems my reflexes are delayed,
Or if I sway when I walk, or weep or do not weep,
Please don't worry. I'm not under destruction.
My grief has cast me in a lethargic cabaret.
So pay the cover charge and take your seat.
This mourning has become a relentless production
And I've got seventy-eight roles to play.”
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
In the weeks after my mother's death, I sleep
Four or five hours a night, often interrupted
By dreams, and take two or three naps a day.
It seems like enough. I can survive if I keep
This sleep schedule as it has been constructed
For me. But if it seems my reflexes are delayed,
Or if I sway when I walk, or weep or do not weep,
Please don't worry. I'm not under destruction.
My grief has cast me in a lethargic cabaret.
So pay the cover charge and take your seat.
This mourning has become a relentless production
And I've got seventy-eight roles to play.”
― You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
“She was enfolded in the great wings of Mrs. Whatsit and she felt comfort and strength pouring through her. Mrs. Whatsit was not speaking aloud, and yet through the wings Meg understood words.
"My child, do not despair. Do you think we would have brought you here if there was no hope? We are asking you to do a difficult thing, but we are confident that you can do it. Your father needs help, he needs courage, and for his children he may be able to do what he cannot do for himself.”
― A Wrinkle in Time
"My child, do not despair. Do you think we would have brought you here if there was no hope? We are asking you to do a difficult thing, but we are confident that you can do it. Your father needs help, he needs courage, and for his children he may be able to do what he cannot do for himself.”
― A Wrinkle in Time
Carmen’s 2025 Year in Books
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