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“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign,’ just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
― Mitch Hedberg

“If being human is not simply a matter of being born flesh and blood, if it's simply a way of thinking, acting, and feeling, then I am hopeful that one day I will discover my own humanity. Until then, I will continue learning, changing, growing, and trying to become more than what I am.”
― Lieutenant Commander Data

“When a person is punished for their honesty they begin to learn to lie.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.”
― Mitch Hedberg