Bonnie

“Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff.
--Being the Journal of Abby Normal”
― Christopher Moore, Bite Me

“Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Let me say right here, if I haven't made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so don't be surprised if you someday find me wandering the moors at midnight, a crazed look in my eye, babbling about albino Tater Tots nesting in Brillo pads and being pursued by sagging man ass, because that shit can happen when you've been traumatized.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Listen to this, okay? Just listen. You hear that? That's market bacon hitting the pan. Today a child is born unto us, and his name will be bacon.”
― Bryan Lee O'Malley, Scott Pilgrim & The Infinite Sadness