Status Updates From Holy Bible

2 Samuel -- David (his poems) is a much better writer than the actual writer of this book, which, despite the human vehicle, is supposedly the literal capital-W Word of capital-G God so that's interesting. Unless I skimmed over something damning with my sleepy eyes, I'd say I'm Team Absalom. "...for I perceive that if Absalom were alive and all of us dead today, then you would be pleased." Yes, and get fucked, Joab.