Status Updates From Leaving the Atocha Station

Ugh beetje klaar met ironische mannen literatuur, maar ik moet door

“I experienced the shape of pain but no pain”

“because the true poem remains beyond you, inscribed on the far side of the mirror: “You have it but you don’t have it. / You miss it, it misses you. / You miss each other.”

“You have a poetic license.”

O narrador sendo a prepotência feita pessoa

“because the cigarette or spliff was an indispensable technology, a substitute for speech in social situations, a way to occupy the mouth and hands when alone, a deep breathing technique that rendered exhalation material, a way to measure and/or pass the time. More important than the easily satisfiable addiction”

“Many people, I believed, used similar drugs to remove themselves from their experience, but because, for as long as I could remember, I always already felt removed from my experience, I took the drug to intensify the vantage from said remove, and so experienced it as an intensification of presence, but only at my customary distance from myself; maybe, when I panicked, that distance was collapsing.”

[These periods of rain or periods between rains in which I was smoking and reading Tolstoy would be,impossible to narrate,and that impossibility entered the experience:the particular texture of my loneliness derived in part from my sense that I could only share it,could only describe it,as pure transition,a slow dissolve between scenes,as boredom,my projects uneventful third phase,possessed of no intrinsic content.]