Status Updates From The Calvin and Hobbes Porta...

Calvin has a water balloon and threatens to splash Hobbes with it if he doesn't do what he says. But Hobbes pokes the balloon with a stick and splashes Calvin instead, who complains about how weapons technology goes obsolete so quickly. Sorry, Cal!

Dad overhears a pillow fight between Calvin and Hobbes and interrogates Calvin. Calvin gives a piss-poor explanation and the two are punished with no dessert for a week. Next time, Calvin, try a better excuse.

During a family road trip, Calvin and Hobbes goof off in the backseat and make noise, drawing the ire of his father, who ultimately wins Calvin and Hobbes' weird face contest when he yells at them.

Calvin flushes himself in the toilet for a half-assed bath. Don't know if Mom was really fooled, though.

Calvin got a balloon and wants to stand on a ladder and let the balloon carries him away. Nothing happens, so Calvin jumps. But he lets go and lands flat on his face while the balloon flies away without him. Oops!

Calvin complains that his friends with cable TV and VCRs can watch whatever they want over the summer, while he gets stuck watching summer repeats. His dad mockingly gives him a copy of "Oliver Twist", to the dismay of him and Hobbes, who want to watch a horror movie on cable.

Calvin couldn't decide on whether he wanted to start collecting bugs or stamps, so he starts collecting stamped bugs. Lol!

Calvin and Hobbes are flushing entire rolls of toilet paper down the toilet, to the dismay of his parents who don't wanna know what's going on.

A bee lands on Calvin's back, freaking it out. Hobbes tells him not to imagine that it could crawl down his shirt and pants, but he does and ends up freaking out. Nice work, Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Hobbes pitches and Calvin bats, then the two perform a double play. But they have trouble deciding who's out, based on who's on who's team.

Calvin and Hobbes are playing pirates, attempting to rob a ship. Calvin tells Hobbes to prepare the plank. When Hobbes points out their ship IS a plank, Calvin threatens to make him walk it.

Calvin is leaving with his parents for a dinner reservation, but his parents won't let him bring Hobbes because they're "afraid he might eat someone". Hobbes admits that he can never stay on a diet in a restaurant.

Calvin shoots Hobbes while playing cowboys, but Hobbes tells him he missed every time he does. Hobbes sure has a hell of a way of winning the game.

Calvin and Hobbes are playing cowboys, but Mom tells him to stop charging around the house. Calvin then crashes into a table and breaks it, but questions if Mom listened to what she just said after she asks the same thing.

It's stopped raining, so Calvin and Hobbes go out "wormucking": walking on the pavement and mucking worms. Hobbes doesn't seem to like it. Gross!

Calvin and Hobbes are up in a tree, enjoying the view ... after crashing their wagon in it. Oops!

It's Father's Day, and Calvin is living by his father's wisdom, to Dad's annoyance. He wakes Dad up at 5 AM because of "early to bed, early to rise" and reveals he didn't buy Dad a present because "a penny saved is a penny earned". Dad realizes having Calvin was a mistake.

Dad shows Calvin a magic trick where he pulls a dime from his ear. Calvin has Hobbes aggressively shake him to get more money out of him, but all he gets is a bloody nose. Not a good decision, Cal.

Calvin pretends to be a shark and attacks Mom in the bathtub. Mom's not happy about how he screws around in the tub, despite hating baths. Come on, Cal.

Calvin complains to his mom about the temperature of his bathwater as she keeps adjusting it from hot to cold. Then he complains about how deep it is. Way to make things miserable for Mom, Cal.

Calvin blows some bubble gum but it explodes all over his face, making him think he blew his face inside-out. Yikes!

Calvin voices disgust at how six-year-olds have no right to vote. Not because he doesn't like where the country is headed, but because he just wants a bigger slice of the pie. Just be glad you don't live in the year 2026, Calvin.

Calvin drinks a heavy amount of cola to increase his sex appeal, but Hobbes is unsatisfied with the massive burp he lets out. Manners, Cal! Manners! God!

Calvin once again pretends to be Spaceman Spiff, blasting off into the fifth dimension, where time has no meaning. In reality, he's stuck in class, annoyed at how long it's lasting. I can relate, Cal.

Calvin and Hobbes perform Calvin's Saturday morning routine: Wake up at 6 AM, eat three bowls of sugary cereal, watch cartoons until noon, and act incoherent and hyper for the rest of the day. It has succeeded in preventing Calvin from having any little brothers or sisters so far. That's great, Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes have formed a lobby requesting more privileges. Mom then proceeds to lecture Calvin about how he's got it made because he doesn't have to worry about adult responsibilities and the like. This prevents Calvin from requesting credit cards for himself and Hobbes. Sorry, Cal.

Calvin complains about his early bedtime, due to it not being dark out and him not being tired. He thinks Mom and Dad are just trying to get rid of him. He asks Hobbes if he can sleep, to which Hobbes aggressively replies "no".

Calvin wants Hobbes to come to school and eat Moe, to get him to stop beating up Calvin. Hobbes, however, is concerned that the cafeteria ladies won't let him use the oven.

Calvin asks Hobbes for advice on what to do when Moe comes to beat him up. He isn't too thrilled when Hobbes tells him to just scramble like a maniac for the nearest tree, which is what tigers do when rhinos come at them.

Calvin shares a secret with Susie: He thinks Principal Spittle is an alien spy trying to corrupt the kids' minds so they won't be able to resist when his people invade the Earth. He asks if she promises not to tell, and she unenthusiastically tells him not to worry.