Status Updates From A Demon's Guide to Wooing a...

"What did you do to him?"
"Applied some judicious pressure to his testicles. Don't get jealous."
"You should be applying pressure to my testicles," Astaroth muttered.

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"You're an arrogant, volatile prick, and you drive me insane."
"Same.”
"You're a conceited know-it-all."
"Takes one to know one.”
"Your cane sword is tacky, and you have horrible taste in hats.”
"Take that back."
"Make me.”
"Why would I do that when you can just take what you want?"

"Get your hands off her?
"Astaroth, it's fine."
"Is it, though?“
"Easy, mate. Don't you think that's a bit possessive for someone not dating her? You aren't dating, right? Just two sworn enemies on a quest, she said."
"And she's my sworn enemy, not yours.”

“If I was six hundred years old or whatever, Id probably have a massive body count, too. I guess you get good at it after that long."
"Oh, I was good at it from the start. Why, looking for tips?"
He'd gladly give her some. Or literally the tip, should she express interest.

A familiar female voice danced over a rhythmic guitar line. Astaroth nodded along. He didn't realize he was quietly singing until Calladia gasped.
"Wait. No way."
"I don't know how I know the song. It's just familiar. Maybe there's an amnesia exception for music?"
"Not that. You're a Swiftie?"
"Is that a species? We've already established I'm a demon."