Status Updates From Moon of Israel: A Tale of t...

"Here ends the writing of the Scribe Ana."

THANK GOODNESS.

"Death! Death by fire. The death he had made ready for the innocent!"

What? This makes no sense. All these people were on the "let Ki kill Merapi, she is TOTALLY A WITCH THERE IS NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR ANYTHING" train ten seconds ago. Why have they suddenly switched? Is it just that Seti is such a Gary Stu that his will overrides everything?

"Dawn came at last, showing the most awful sight that was ever beheld by the eye of man."

This book?

"The curtain of black cloud which seemed to hang beyond the camp of the Egyptians was alive with lightnings which appeared to shape themselves to writings that I could not read."

Credit where it's due: that's a kinda cool image.

"The Prince of Egypt ! The Prince of Egypt!"

G-d I wish I was watching The Prince of Egypt instead of reading this drivel.

"'Moon of Israel, thy people wander in the wilderness and need thy light.'"

No. No they do not. They're being led by Moses. Do not DARE try to convince me that your Mary Sue is the ACTUAL greatest prophet who will lead them to the Promised Land, you fuck hack.

Oh my gosh, shut up. SHUT UP about Merapi. I get that yes, obviously everyone is wrong to assume she's doing this, but Haggard is still making this ALL ABOUT HER because she's a stupid Mary Sue OC and he can't imagine the universe not revolving around her, even when she's been forcibly inserted into ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT STORIES OF THREE MAJOR WORLD RELIGIONS. The Exodus is not about your fictional waifu, idiot!

"The Egyptians who, when they come to understand all that they have suffered at our hands in return for the wealth and shelter which they have given us for many generations, whereby we have grown from a handful into a great people..."

That's an interesting way to summarize generations of slavery.

Do you want to force her to marry you, or do you want to condemn her as a witch? Pick which stupid subplot you belong to and stick with it.

"Only Merapi did admit some of the Israelitish women who were married to Egyptians in the city, though for her pains they only cursed her as a witch."

Oh, good! The kinda-not-so-bad Jews are also being horrible now. I'm honestly glad Haggard has given up the act, it wasn't working anyway.

I was honestly hoping that Laban wouldn't come back into the story. Not firing the Chekhov's gun might be bad writing, but it's better than adding another hole into this novel's already dismembered corpse.

"'She is afraid of magicians and their dark sayings,' said Seti, looking after her with a troubled smile."

Yeah, your wife just ran from the room in fear, maybe go comfort her, asshole?

That's our big confrontation between Moses and Pharaoh? Two quickly summarized paragraphs? As if it wasn't already apparent that Haggard didn't actually want to write about the Exodus.

Another observation: Egyptians occasionally have spiritual and moral insights, while the Hebrews are all just foamy-mouthed fundie stereotypes.

"There dwelt in Memphis certain ladies who had Hebrew blood in their veins, or were born of the Israelites and had married Egyptians against their law. Among these she made friends, and together they worshipped in their own fashion with none to say them nay, since here no priests were allowed to trouble them."

Jews are fine, as long as they're not TOO Jewish and don't follow their stupid religion or anything.

Was this published in Nazi Germany? Because I did not expect a story of THE EXODUS to be this fucking anti-Semitic.

This is the Esther story. Why are we doing Esther instead of the Exodus?

I know Haggard is aiming for "wise" and "unrealistically likeable," but honestly, Seti kind of comes off like a douche.

"All I, the son of your oppressive slavemaster, did was barge into on your religious ceremony and defile your holiest precinct. Why are y'all being so ~sensitive~ about it?!"

We have seen multiple cases of Egyptians trying to sexually assault/coerce Hebrew slave women. Seti is an Egyptian who is acting very possessive of a Hebrew slave woman that he found alone in the wilderness. Why are we acting like Laban is unreasonable for not liking this situation?

There are times when it can be charming, having the male lead "jest" with a love interest who doesn't realize who he is. When she's crying and praying by herself in the wilderness, and he's letting her believe that he's a potential rapist/sex trafficker? Not so much.

Didn't we already do this scene? Israelite slave getting beaten, Seti steps in to help, overseer is all snippy until he realizes it's the prince...