Status Updates From Warhorses of Letters

This is so witty, I absolutely love it and can't stop laughing.

"He was never married. This is fine in men."

Ditto this last bit. Pages 1-41 were rather brilliant, the rest of the book less so. Still the world's greatest gay horse war letters, maybe.

Is this really "the world's greatest gay, equine, military, epistolary romance"? That last packet of letters wasn't quotable AT ALL.

Historical hoofnote: "Over 200,000 horses died during Napoleon's disastrous Russian campaign, many of whom were killed by soldiers for food. Some revisionist historians have suggested that this was not due to starvation, but because the French really like eating horses."

End of Packet 2.

Copenhagen to Marengo: I bite your withers in sexy adoration.

Oh, my.

Copenhagen to Marengo: It is totally amazing that you want me to sow my wild oats...I have also stood rut with Kilimanjaro Rises Like Olympus out of Africa by Toto, who is not as impressive as he sounds, and Giant Tower out of Big Hammer by Never Says Stop, who is. Oh boy.

Copenhagen to Marengo: I am just a big, handsome racehorse with amazing muscle definition and huge eyelashes, and now I am walking slowly towards you, whinnying gently to let you know I am aroused...

Marengo to Copenhagen: I am approaching you with a crop and spurs--you are wearing leather blinkers but at the sound of me you start to quiver--the whip comes down on your saucy waggling rump...

Horsey sex letters.

Historical hoofnote: "[Warhorses in training] also learn such jargon as sitrep (situation report), locstat (location status) and Roger That (not what Copenhagen first thought it was)."

Copenhagen to Marengo: The Viscount Wellington has bought me. I am to be a warhorse....oh my horsey God, do we have to be arch-enemies now? Is this the end? I wish--

Here the letters abruptly end. We have heard, however, that there might be a further packet in the National Gallery miscatalogued as 'Virginia Woolf: Racist Political Cartoons and Other Juvenilia'. We can but hope.

This book has everything.

Marengo to Copenhagen: I confess I was filled with apprehension lest news of my, shall we say, vertical limitations, were to prove insurmountable to you, but it would seem you find them quite mountable indeed...

Marengo to Copenhagen: ...I am not, in fact, a horse. At 14 hands 1 inch only, I am technically a pony*...Equally, it is with some pain that I note your reference to my dear Napoleon as 'dumpy'. He and I are perfectly to scale.

*By convention, Arab horses are never classified as ponies, no matter how short they are. It is one of the reasons the rest of the horse world finds them so unbearably pretentious.

Copenhagen to Marengo brackets Napoleon's horse close brackets: I am a racehorse...Lady horses, or mares, are always trying to seduce me. They don't get very far.
Maybe you are only interested in lady horses brackets mares close brackets, but when I saw the pictures, my equine gaydar pointed due south wink.

Indeed I am.

What the...? When I woke up this morning I did not yet know that I would listen to gay horse-s/m letter-sex later that day...

What the...

Oh my horsey God! XD