Status Updates From Best Friend’s Brother

Regulus thinks it's unfair, really, that the world focuses so much on the heartbreak that family can give you, or a lover, but not so much a friend. He wasn't prepared for it. No one really talks about it, what it feels like to lose a friend, a true best friend. As if it's not impactful. As if it's not something that can hit just as hard because it's not family, or someone you're fucking. As if it doesn't ruin you.

Regulus has to push down the impulse to be unnecessarily harsh about something so that Sirius will inevitably storm off. Apparently, according to Ms. Pomfrey, this is not the correct response to give when he simply does not want to deal with Sirius. Instead, they're supposed to be honest.
"I don't want to deal with you right now," Regulus announces bluntly, expecting a fight, but Sirius just blows out a deep breath.

"One of my favorite things about working with families, siblings in particular, is that the smallest of mistakes can wreck them and, interestingly, the biggest mistakes never can when they decide not to let them," Ms. Pomfrey announces, and Regulus feels like he can't breathe. She crosses her legs, threads her hands together, and smiles. "Now, gentleman, let's discuss how not to let them…"

We don't have a relationship as brothers; we're never going to."
"Are you saying that because it feels impossible, or because you don't want to?" Ms. Pomfrey asks. Regulus looks over at Sirius, who looks away as soon as he has. He's tugging furiously on the loose thread now, his fingers shaking. "It is impossible. It won't happen because it can't."
"Oh, but I think it's quite possible, it's happening already,"

"I hate them for this. I know it's not right to; I know I deserve to feel this way. But I hate them for not letting us all be happy. Why would they make us choose? I'm his best friend, and I'd give anything, anything, if he could be happy for the rest of his life, so why won't he—why can't he just do this one thing, this one thing, for me? If it was me… Do you understand, Remus? I'd never do this to him. Never.

SI

"Yes, yes, precisely," James blurts out. "I'd be doing the opposite of what I did before—keeping things from Sirius, I mean—by telling him about you. So, really, it's better."
"Yeah," Remus says.
"Yeah," James echoes.
They stare at each other, then almost at the same time, their faces twitch into smiles they're trying to repress, and then they're both laughing quietly and helplessly.

"Pumpkin ricotta gnocchi with pancetta and seared radicchio, and I've some chocolate cheesecake-filled strawberries chilling in the fridge," Regulus says.
Sirius leans back a little, staring at him, and Regulus glances at him out of the corner of his eye before looking away, cheeks slowly turning red as he flushes. It's the first time that Sirius feels a rush of affection for his little brother and recognize it.

Lily frowns at him. "Of course it matters, Sirius. Love is it, haven't you worked that out yet? It's what life's all about. And I don't mean just romantic love. But also love between friends, between families, between the strangers on the street that can change a bad day into a good one with something as simple as a smile. That's what life is about—that love. In the end, money and possessions don't really matter.

Sirius eventually cuts him off with, "Do you know where my cell is? I want to put on Olivia Rodrigo," then finds his phone and weeps through the entirety of traitor, and Regulus holds his own until happier comes on, then ends up crying too, and they both croon and sob their way through favorite crime.
"Skip it," Regulus hisses when the first notes of jealousy, jealousy comes on, and he nearly shoves Sirius over

"Well, before he found out, he wasn't exactly afraid to share details, was he? Like, I know you sucked his cock at work. Why do I have to know that? Why, why, why?" Sirius says, despaired. He shakes his head and sighs. "But yes, after he found out, he suddenly felt it very important to let me know that he only felt pure, respectful things for his boyfriend."
"Well, he didn't do pure, respectful things, let me just

"Yes, alright, I...see what you mean. But this is fine. No, this is good, actually. We always do our best bonding in pain, don't we?"
"We're not bonding."
"Oh, we're definitely bonding."
Two hours later, they're in Regulus' flat, and they're bonding. Look, it's not Regulus' fault.

mis pookies :( los amo

"So, really, where are you going?" Sirius asks insistently as he catches up with Regulus again. "You must have free time, not working and all. Going home? Actually, where do you live?"
"I'm not telling you that."
"What, why? You know where I live!"

me hacen mal

"Yeah, alright," Sirius agrees, his lips twitching, clearly very pleased by this—and amused, likely, by Regulus' stubborn nature. "Do you want to give me your number so I can send you the address to my—"
"You're pushing it," Regulus cuts in, whirling back around to stride off while Sirius snorts behind him.

Sirius is making that same face. That 'I do not like what I'm being forced to say' face, which either means it's uncomfortable to him because it's true, or because it's such an awful thing to say that it's uncomfortable on principle. "You're my brother, Reggie. It's been eight years, but I still—I mean, I still want to know that you're alright."

"Look, it's not a handout; you'll be working to earn your own money. Your precious pride won't be under attack. I even promise—no, I'm not joking, I promise I won't bother you...that often," Sirius tells him, speaking rapidly, rushing. "I just—"
"What?" Regulus demands.

THAT OFTEN dios me hacen muerda los amo

Of course, when he's in the hospital and getting calmly told by a doctor that there's no penicillin in his system, that all of symptoms of, in her professional opinion, a panic attack, that's when Remus realizes that Regulus never poisoned him at all, and somehow, a Crime and Punishment quote ends up coming to mind: If he has a conscience he will suffer for his mistake. That will be punishment as well as the prison.

"Did you—did you just poison me?" Remus whispers, his mind already starting to race, frantically clocking his own symptoms. Is his throat swelling? Is that why he's been struggling to talk? Is his chest tight

DIOS CASI ME LA CREO

Remus clenches his jaw. "And how is it, exactly, that you feel about Sirius, really and truly? Because you lied about that, too. You love him. You miss him. You want him in your fucking life, but you'd rather hide away from it out of fear—"
"Shut the fuck up, Lupin," Regulus snaps.

TELL HIM

"Suppose that makes sense," Regulus muses with a casual hum, pushing the box aside and threading his hands together in front of him instead of dragging his plate over. He looks at Remus placidly, watching him take another bite, then says, still in that light tone, "My brother has always been rather dramatic. I'm sure Sirius didn't mean to worry you."

"Life is given to me only once, and never will be again—I don't want to sit waiting for universal happiness. I want to live myself; otherwise it's better not to live at all," Remus quotes back, and Regulus opens his mouth, but Remus shakes his head sharply and continues with another quote. "Fling yourself straight into life, without deliberation; don’t be afraid - the flood will bear you to the bank and set you safe

But I'll admit… I don't know, for a moment there, I thought we could have some sort of—closure, maybe. I never fooled myself into thinking that we'd ever really try again—try to be proper brothers, I mean—but I did hope, as foolish as it might've been, that maybe when we went our separate ways this time, it wouldn't be like it was last time."
"That's not foolish," Remus insists immediately

PENSE QUE MENTIAN NOOOOOO

"Cheers," Remus says weakly, pulling his hand back and watching Regulus immediately take his next move, taking one of Remus' pieces in the process. "Well, at least you didn't have to bury any dead bodies today."
"I wouldn't count it out, Lupin. The day's still not over just yet," Regulus comments airily, waiting for Remus to take his turn, then immediately taking another one of his pieces.

"I know I'd be exhausted if my boyfriend went missing for a bit."
"Yeah, I…" Remus trails off, glancing up quickly, but Regulus is focused on the board, utterly calm. Did...did Remus tell him that? He tries to remember if he did, but he genuinely doesn't know if he did or not, or maybe James told him? Would James tell him? Why would James tell him?
"Remus, it's your move," Regulus points out, glancing at him.

dIOS

"While we wait, we can play chess."
"Been a while since we have," Remus muses, settling down at the table as he watches Regulus bustle over to the oven, fiddling with it.
"Well, you have a habit of always being a few moves ahead, "Regulus murmurs, shutting the oven. "It's infuriating. But not this time, I think. "

me encanta la metafora de james y sirius armando un rompecabezas y estos jugando al ajedrez

"Oh, this?" Sirius kicks out with a jerky motion, his chest heaving as he sends the cell skittering across the floor. He grins at James with all teeth. "That's because of Remus. You two must be so close, even closer than I ever knew, with all that sneaking about and scheming. But I'm not letting you warn him about this. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise."

dios estan muy mal de la cabeza

"Because you would have made me choose!"
"It shouldn't even be a choice! You're right, I would have made you choose, and no part of me would have anticipated you throwing our friendship away for him. But now? Now, I'm not giving you a choice at all. Because I'm telling you, James, you're done with him."

dios hermano qUE CARAJO

"Because you would have made me choose!"
"It shouldn't even be a choice! You're right, I would have made you choose, and no part of me would have anticipated you throwing our friendship away for him. But now? Now, I'm not giving you a choice at all. Because I'm telling you, James, you're done with him."

"It's not just shagging. Sirius, I love him."
"I don't give a damn if he's your one and only true love. I don't care if you'd die without him," Sirius snarls, reaching his hand out to grasp James' shoulder and slam him back to the chair from where he's unconsciously leaned forward as if he could lean into his sincerity. "You're going to stay away from him."
"I can't," James chokes out, nearly whimpering.

He takes his coffee black for the irony, he says, did you know that?"
Yes, James thinks, shakily connecting one whole edge of the puzzle together. All he says is, "A bit funny, that."

"You met him in a bookshop, you said?" Regulus murmurs.
"Yeah. You're a barista?"
"I am. Sirius, what's your boyfriend's name?"
"What's yours?" Sirius shoots back in a croak.
"My best friend…" Regulus stares at him, all the color draining from his face, and he swallows harshly. "His name is Remus Lupin. Would that—is that who you're—"

DIOS AUSJKSD NO ME LO ESPERABA RTSO E SGEBIAL