Status Updates From Hilarity Ensues

In one of the greatest coups of my life, Stacy wrote down her number (her cell, not her home phone), and told me to call her, that she thought I was hilarious and would love to hang out with me.
And in perhaps one of the biggest disappointments of my life, at some point later that night, I lost Stacy's number. I couldn't leave my apartment for three days after; I was that upset.
Then I got drunk again and moved on.

Whore1 "Who does Tucker Max think he is??"
Whore2 "What's wrong with him?"
Girl "What's wrong with your friend?"
Whore1 "He thinks just because he wrote some book, he can do anything he wants."
Girl "Your friend started this acting like a douchebag."
Whore2 "Welcome to Austin, bitch!" [she really said that, and this one makes no sense for them to say--their friend was the one who got KTFO.]

You almost got in a fight with a guy who was supposed to be the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol. He walked out on the deck and you yell out, 'GET YOUR BALOONS OUT OF MY PARTY, YOU DON'T BRING BALLOONS WITHOUT MY PERSMISSION." He acted like a dick to you, so you continued, "WELL, here's ANOTHER person who thinks he's BETTER'N me." I think he threw something at you or pushed you or something juvenile like that.

Unfortunately boys night ensued and resulted in me borrowing one of my buddies books. It was this one. Welcome to the brain rot