Status Updates From The Obscene Madame D

“That too Madame D, that too. When I’m not here anymore, are you listening? when I’m not anymore, avoid silence, obscurity, seek the gesture, the caress, an other, find yourself an other, that he may know your body as I knew it, teach him if he reveals himself to be timid and awkward, search for your salvation, incite the spirit to a long voyage, push away the spirit”

“do you want me? 
of course
I ask if you love me, Hillé
questions again and always questions, as though it were simple, this thing, loving, as if the breast knew of this adornment, how can I know if the soul doesn’t understand?
the soul feels
it’s flesh that feels”

I wanted to escape, Ehud, my mouth constantly starved for your mouth, life was splendor and marvel, unparalleled glimmer when you touched me, and sinister and hiccuping and nothingness when you were absent
lama sabactani

Someone, name of no one 
this one is nothing
this one yes is someone

“Why am I called Hillé, and why am I on this Earth? I learned to name a great number of things, learned the names of a great number of people, but there must be a slew of things that have no name and yet they never cease to be what they are, and me if I weren’t Hillé who would I be? Someone feeling and observing the world"

“what is Time like, Ehud, in the hole where you are now dead? how does Time live in that hole? Darkness and spew, suddenly, sparks of a thousand colors, what is the Time the swollen, the worm, the fetid like? The fetid, what is it? What becomes of Time in the moistness of the ditch? I am asking the Mad Child: are You there with Ehud? Death, fetid, worm, ditch, swelling, are they all a part of You?”

“it is the body that screams these sad lifeless spaces
why do you not feed your body goodness by accepting the kindness of others?
because the body is dead 
and the soul?
the soul is the Earth’s guest, it seeks, it looks into your eyes at this moment and it sees you chubby with questions”

“Who names the world for me? To be here on Earth, the existence of the Earth, being born, deciphering oneself and learning the adequate language of others, doing well
I am not doing well, Ehud
no one is doing well, death is at work in each of us 
Before there were illusions, no? We inhabited those illusions.”

nós dois o mundo, nós dois um vivo habitável, uma casa, uma aldeia, uma cidade, tateios que percorríamos
juntos, geografias perfumadas, (...), um-dois-só e complicados nós e esticâncias, luzes lá por dentro, palmas dos pés, dedilhos, aguaceiras.

sabe, às vezes queremos tanto cristalizar na palavra o instante, traduzir com lúcidos parâmetros centelha e nojo, não queremos?

por que me chamo Hillé e estou na Terra? e aprendi o nome das coisas, das gentes, deve haver muita coisa sem nome, milhares de coisas sem nome, e nem por isso elas deixam de ser o que são, eu se não fosse Hillé seria quem? alguém olhando e sentindo o mundo
alguém, nome de ninguém
esse aí não é nada
esse sim é alguém

suportaria o estar viva, recortada, um contorno incompreensível repetindo a cada dia passos, palavras, o olho sobre os livros, inúmeras verdades lançadas à privada, e mentiras imundas exibidas como verdades, e aparências do nada, repetições estéreis, farsas, o dia a dia do homem do meu século?

acontecível isso de alguém ser muito ao mesmo tempo nada, de olhar o mundo como quem descobre o novo

quem a mim me nomeia o mundo? estar aqui no existir da terra, nascer, decifrar-se, aprender a deles adequada linguagem, estar bem, não estou bem, (...) ninguém está bem, estamos todos morrendo

como foi possível ter sido hillé, vasta, afundando os dedos na matéria do mundo, e tendo sido, perder essa que era, e ser hoje quem é?

this book is if paradise rot met yellow wallpaper and then met near to the wild heart, so many layers which I like to be explored separately

"And for Ehud, Hillé will never have been any more than a letter, the first letter, D, of Dereliction, a tender curve clutching a cock," this is probably about 70% of marriages out there, may I be protected of this future

okay what is going on? is her husband going to continue to be a pig? "lie down, open yourself, pretend not to want to but you do, give me your hand, touch yourself, you're all wet, so open up, Hillé, hold me, please me"

uhm.... "he touched me, I said listen wait, I want so much to speak with you, no, Ehud, no, not now, please, I want to speak to you of the death of Ivan Illich, of that man's solitude, of the multiple nothings of the day-to-day which go consuming the best part of us, I want to speak to you of the burden when old age comes, of the disappearance, of that thing which doesn't exist but is raw, alive, Time."

this introduction is being difficult by choice, I don't think an introduction should try to overcompensate and be all in riddles. goddamn just tell me about the book