Status Updates From The Final Arrangement (Flow...

Cute so far

I had crept up behind him and knocked him upside the head with the fire extinguisher I kept in my kitchen. It didn’t have any spray left in it from when he set the bag of poop on fire on my porch, but it had been very useful, all the same. “Always keep a fire extinguisher in your kitchen.” Best advice ever.

You can’t have a shindig in Utah without Jell-O.

Crying while you’re gagged is not conducive to helping you feel like you can breathe.

It occurred to me this was an embalming table, and the big metal chest of drawers was the place where they kept the bodies of people after they went to the big refrigerator in the sky.

My legs felt like lead down to my ankles, where the lead turned to burning molten fire under my feet.

If I let on about any of the danger I was in, she would deflate like a helium-filled Mylar balloon that had been put in the flower cooler.

Pioneer Day holiday for the State of Utah

K.C. had swung that bat like it was full-count in the bottom of the ninth.