Status Updates From The Drama of the Gifted Chi...

*Suppression is a conscious act, in contrast to repression.

These feelings can be experienced in therapy. When they are understood, they open the door to our inner world that is much richer than the "beautiful countenance"!
Narcissus was in love with his idealized picture, but neither the grandiose nor the depressive "Narcissus" can really love himself.

Modern science shows that human brains are fundamentally wired for co-regulation. We do not heal in a vacuum. A person who completely isolates themselves and claims, "I only rely on myself, I need no one," is often not experiencing "maturational health"—they are running a defense mechanism called hyper-independence, which is just another frozen trauma response designed to protect against the danger of trusting…

How often depressive patients are aware that they have reacted oversensitively, and how much they reproach themselves for it. It is precisely their oversensitivity, shame, and self-reproach that form a continuous thread in their lives, unless they learn to understand to what these feelings actually relate.

“It was not the beautiful or pleasant feelings that gave me new insight, but the ones against which I had fought most strongly: feelings that made me experience myself as shabby, petty, mean, helpless, humiliated, demanding, resentful, or confused; and, above all, sad and lonely. It was precisely through these experiences, which I had shunned for so long, that I became certain that I now understand..”

“Therapy helped her to find orientation, again and again. And she found repeatedly how important it was to her just being able to love, to express her Love without being afraid that she could be betrayed, exploited, violated.”

Many modern clinicians find Miller's stance here a bit too bleak, arguing that while we cannot change the past, a deeply caring, unconditional therapeutic relationship in the present has the power to structurally rewire a person's nervous system. This is just scientifically proven. Read: The Body Keeps the Score, etc.

The grandiose person is never really free; first, because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail.

And is he not bound to carry pent-up rage within himself, against those who have made him afraid to walk without stilts? He could also be envious of healthy people because they do not have to make a constant effort to earn admiration, and because they do not have to do something in order to impress, one way or the other, but are free to be
"average."

“..she was able to find in her child: someone at her disposal who could be used as an echo and could be controlled, who was completely centered on her, would never desert her, and offered her full attention and admiration. If the child's demands became too great (as those of her own mother once did), she was no longer so de-fenseless: she could refuse to allow herself to be
tyrannized…”

If there was abuse in childhood and then continued mistreatment during a vulnerable period, it makes a lot of sense that your mind would hold anger, disgust, and harsh thoughts toward them now. Those reactions don’t come out of nowhere…they’re usually tied to something that actually really hurt you.

I’m not gifted but it resonates a lot. Unfortunately.