Status Updates From Everyone Wants to Be Me or ...

'No one bats an eye when a sixty-year-old man leaps across rooftops, but everyone would feel uncomfortable if he did it so save the sixty-year-old woman he loves.'

'As we've indicated, Hollywood has some shockingly retrograde ideas about gender, so it's probably not surprising that the industry's norms on appropriate dating ages stopped evolving around 1850 or so. Men with faces like parched deserts routinely date and even marry women whose high school diplomas are still drying.'

'You rarely hear 'how to be a good husband or father' advice from the male stars. We suspect male audience members would be intensely turned off by any guy who wears makeup every working day of his life telling them how to live theirs.'

'You rarely hear 'how to be a good husband or father' advice from the male stars. We suspect male audience members would be intensely turned off by any guy who wears makeup every working day of his life telling them how to live theirs.'

'...an orange-skinned, bobble-headed, silicone-injected clan who call themselves beautiful and then use the power of an enormous, worldwide audience to project that definition of beauty onto the public, make them feel bad for not embodying it, and then make money off of it.'

'It's a sort of "beauty by committee" definition of beauty, dreamed up by fashion magazine editors and makeup company executives, one that is so far beyond what normal people can or should aspire to that it has effectively created a second race of people...'

'Eventually, the superstars will all interbreed with one another and create a race of super-superstars, genetically predetermined to be glamorous, attention-seeking, and completely devoid of any experience with normal human beings or anyone with crooked teeth.'

'...they are not, in fact, modern-day royalty. They are our court jesters, and frankly, they should always be treated as such by the public. The great thing about court jesters was that they allowed certain truths to be revealed about the state of the world they lived in but always had a certain level of deniability because they were mere entertainers.'

These are not role models, these are cautionary tales.'

'...we tended to have a positively Elizabethan attitude regarding celebrities: namely, that people who choose to go into the entertainment field are most likely deranged, with severe attention-seeking disorders, and that no respectable person would dare consider interacting with any such person....'

this is so bitchy i love it

this is actually hilarious