Status Updates From The Humans (Thorndike Press...

They have created a world of divisions and categories and have continually failed to see the similarities among themselves.

To hypnotize humans was easy because, out of any species in the universe, they seemed to be the one most desperate to believe.

This is what happens when you live on Earth. You crack. You hold reality in your hands until it burns.

The world is what we recognize in our own will.

“Everything was beautiful (and nothing hurt)”

Everything in human life was a test. That was why they all looked so stressed out.

Humans, as a rule, don’t like mad people unless they are good at painting, and only then once they are dead.

They die, and so they have impatience.

I was later to realize that a neatly trimmed lawn was a powerful signifier and should have commanded in me a slight sense of fear and respect.

Maybe this was another human trait. Their ability to turn on themselves, to ostracize their own kind.

It reminded me that this was a place of death. Things deteriorated, degenerated, and died here. The life of a human was surrounded on all sides by darkness.

I’d heard that humans were a life-form of, at best, middling intelligence and prone to violence, deep sexual embarrassment, bad poetry, and walking around in circles.

It seemed orgasms were the central tenet of life here. Maybe this was the only meaning humans had on this planet. Their purpose was simply to pursue the enlightenment of orgasm. A few seconds of relief from the surrounding dark.

This was, I would later realize, a planet of things wrapped inside things. Food inside clothing. Bodies inside wrappers. Contempt inside smiles. Everything was hidden away.

I plead with you to read this book with an open mind, and to work out for yourself the true value of human life. Let there be peace.

Oh, and let’s not forget the Things They Do to Make Themselves Happy That Actually Makes Them Miserable. This is an infinite list. It includes shopping, watching tv, taking the better job, getting the bigger house, making their skin look mildly less old and harboring a vague desire to believe there might be a meaning to it all. Very amusing in a painful kind of way.