Status Updates From Best,

“mark said you can’t come in”

i push past her

mark’s on the couch adjusting his man bun

I notice the red handprint on her ass

is in the shape of a rat.....

Anyone want to chill with me in my sex dungeon after this? not trying to fuck, just hangout

i never got any awards in highschool but it’s cool cuz
i’m pretty sure you could say i was the most well-liked person,
most interesting person,
and most insane person
in the psych ward

oops a daisy

My tongue just got stuck in the waterbottle
I was pretending it was taylor swift’s butthole

It’s throbbing and turning purple
I'm thinking about calling 911
but what would I tell them!?

awwawwaaallaalll

be wary of the man in the waiting room who hasn't pulled out his phone at all in the last 15 minutes....
just sitting there....
siting here...

I walk the beach
hit the bong (hhhwuhhbuhbubuhhbub)
WaKe aNd BaKe!
most everyone else is running from the water
hmm—
ahhhh, what is that?
holy shizz,
is that what i think it is?
tsunami?!
must be a few hundred feet
wwooaah
it’s b e a u t i f u l
that’s going to fuck a lot of people up
but not me...
I strip down
revealing a TEAM USA speedo
I charge fearlessly
as the wave is rolling in
(USA USA USA!)

*knock at the door*

whatcha been doing in there Johnny?

...haven’t seen ya come out of your room in two weeks. ya working on ur magnum opus?

- no, but i’ve been researching guns

a dozen of us get held up at gunpoint at disneyland. exciting. masked man says: i will kill 3 at random if nobody volunteers to die. he begins counting: THREE....TWO...- it takes a couple seconds for this to register. ! it's my lucky day ! i raise my hand. kinda surprised no1 beat me to it. i’m the youngest person in the group.

kill kill kill
every living thing
if that means i could have you
even for just one hour
a minute
fifteen seconds
then i'd kill us both too
if that were the only way
i would sacrifice everything for this love

what can i say, i'm a romantic

San Francisco aka Golden Gate City (Named after the Golden Gate Bridge which is the best&most-popular place in the world to commit suicide! #1 tourism place in the world to take ur final vacation!

rode on a lot of fun rides at the fun park and ate fun food and drank fun drinks and saw the fun concert but i didn’t have any fun

she says haha u crazy, u wild, u unhinged, u off the rails man
haha no u got me wrong girl
u got the wrong guy
im so even keel hahA sso even keeeeeEEEee3e3e3EeEEeEeeeeeayauuaueaaaaeeahaaaaalahalaLleellelellelelelel killeell kill lil lkilkk kill kill kill

got tribal tattoos,
went jazzercising
ate dip n dots and floated around the lazy river at the waterpark
not political at all but invaded the capitol just for fun

you know what?
i just had an epiphany....
it’s not about waiting for the storm to pass...
it’s about learning to !!!dance!!!in!!!the!!!rain!!!