Status Updates From Random Acts of Fantasy (Ran...

Love conquers all, but evil can really mind-f#ck you in the meantime.

No one with a good heart ever thinks that someone else in a game is an evil puppet master until the manipulation is revealed.

Guys are as good at listening as women are at getting prostate exams.

Darla: Oh, heck no, we ain’t a couple. I like sausage, not fish.

Amy: Could you be any more vulgar?!

an English rose display that made the Isabella Stuart Gardner museum grounds look like a 7-11 parking lot

Intact men (I.e., uncircumcised) are so interesting to me. It’s like there’s this polite turtleneck there, keeping everything nice and slick and ready for you. So very proper. Like a sex butler, at your service.

Lattes head and shoulders above the better coffeehouses in Cambridge, let alone the pencil shaving coffee from gas stations.

Perfection comes from overthinking, overplanning, overanalyzing. Perfection is a result, not a state.

This puddle jumper was so small a bird could $h!t on it and it would fall 1000 feet.

Our c0cks all have history. When you enter a new relationship, all that dirty laundry needs to be aired.

When you have a bra size that needed letters towards the middle of the alphabet, you could find all sorts of things … I could probably hide a chihuahua under my breasts and still have room for Kanye West’s ego.

We didn’t have a band pencil case, let alone a band lawyer.

Dinosaur erotica was mentioned on the Stephen Colbert show?

And Bigfoot erotica is a thing?

Is that like Wookiee porn? What woman gets hot over something that doesn’t wipe its behind?

😳

Who rang my doorbell but didn’t text first?!

(Modern day etiquette. Young people nowadays. 😆)

If it weren’t for stupid choices, I wouldn’t make *any* choices.