Status Updates From How to Know a Person: The A...

Accompanying is the first gentle step to getting to know a person, without over-intensity of diving in too deep. We can’t be in a rushed “efficiency” mindset that prioritizes our own mindset & will.
Elements of Accompaniment include patience & playfulness & presence. We can’t force it- “let others voluntarily evolve”.
The ultimate touchstone of friendship is WITNESS- the privilege of seeing & being seen.

Philosopher Iris Murdock on morality: Not about abstract universal principles.
Morality is about how we pay attention to others; moral behavior happens continuously throughout the day. The essential immoral act is the inability to see other people correctly. When we don’t see people accurately, we treat them wrongly. Evil happens when people are unseen- when the personhood in other human beings is unrecognized.

“Every epistemology becomes an ethic. The shape of our knowledge becomes the shape of our living. The relation of the knower to the known becomes the relation of the living self to the larger world.”
(Parker Palmer)
The way we attend to others determines the type of person we become. If we see people generously then we will become generous. If we see people coldly then we become cold.

Illuminator Qualities:
Tenderness- deep emotional concern about another being
Receptivity- openness to another’s viewpoint and resisting the urge to project your own reality
Active Curiosity
Affection
Generosity
A holistic attitude (seeing the whole, with nuance)

“Attention is a moral act; it creates, brings aspects of things into being…” (Iain McGilchrist)
The quality of your life depends somewhat on the quality of attention you project out onto the world.
A posture of respect & reverence, of the infinite dignity of each person you meet, is a precondition for seeing people well. We are all equal on the level of our souls- remembering this helps you illuminate others.