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Our accomplishments matter far less in this economy than the relentless grind toward them.

“The child does not meet society directly at first, they meet it through the medium of their parents, who in their character structure and methods of education… are the psychological agents of society.”

Perfectionism isn’t just embedded in the principles and practices of the modern-day university, it’s etched into the mindscape of a student body that must attempt to navigate the deeply embedded cultures of exceptionalism, fear of failure, and toxic competition.

“Wherever and whenever we are excessive in our lives it is a sign of an unknown deprivation. Our excesses are the best clue we have of our own poverty and our best way of concealing it from ourselves.”

Perfectionism is the chrysalis of a certain tyranny; the lens through which we view a world that just keeps tossing us more and more ideals of who we should be.

Right there in open daylight, disguised in plain sight by its very ubiquity, perfectionism is today’s hidden epidemic — the conspicuous vulnerability that’s wreaking all sorts of havoc among those who’re coming of age in modern society.

The answer to perfectionism’s success paradox lies not in simply dialing it back a bit. It lies in learning to embrace the inevitability of setbacks, failures, and things not going quite as we planned. And being able to sit comfortably next to those humanizing experiences, to let them be, not needing to rehabilitate them on the redemptive arc of excellence, not needing to strive them out of existence.

“Being caught between a need for success and a fear of failure is the basic tension of the self-oriented perfectionist. On the one hand, there’s a need to strive relentlessly in the hope of being respected by and acceptable to those around us, and on the other, there’s a need to do everything one possibly can to prevent the shame of falling short.”