Status Updates From The Mr. Right Checklist

Loverboys, which are a cross between an éclair and a cupcake, with blue icing on top and thick custard inside.

“What’s a lady lock?”

“You’ve never had one? They’re one of my favorite cookies. They’re shaped like cannoli, but the outside is made of a light, flaky pastry, and they’re filled with sweet cream.”

You’ve got big dreams, sunshine. The best way to achieve them is to never doubt it’ll happen and pave the path in a way that nothing will slow you down.

“since you’re helping me, I’ll help you understand women better.”

I push to my feet. “No thanks.”

“Why not? Because you don’t believe in love?”

“Because I’m not looking for a woman, so I don’t need to understand them.”

She crosses her arms, studying me. “That’s your real problem,”

“you don’t even believe in love, and it’s marriage-proposal business.”

“I don’t need to believe in love to make sure you’re crossing your t’s & dotting your i’s. Even if w/little hearts.”

“How did you know I do that? Have you been spying on me?”

I laugh. “With name like Destiny Amor, anything else wouldn’t be right.”

“That’s going to be my excuse from now on,” she exclaims.

I used to get real sad when it would rain because my mama and I used to dance in the rain, and I just couldn’t do it after she was gone. But a few months after she died, it was rainin’ real hard, and I swear I heard her calling me from outside. I went out there and I felt her all around me. I will never stop dancing in the rain, because I still feel her in every drop.

Smart girls don’t beg for love, and true love doesn’t require beggin’.

“Molly didn’t eat Clemmie’s ear. It was missing when I found him. He was a scraggly one-eared stray hiding beneath a truck full of clementines.”

“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”

I like tall women with meat on their bones. Soft womanly curves, breasts that more than fill my hands, a nice round ass, and ample hips made for holding on to. This girl is maybe five four and skinny as a bird. But Jesus, that hot, willing mouth of hers drew me right in.