Status Updates From Notes from a Regicide

This audiobook narration from Avi Roque is very, very bad, I’m not sure I can do this - each word is inflected totally independent of the flow of the sentence or the sense of the paragraph. The emotions flip wildly from one sentence to the next and don’t particularly match the direction of the text. It’s like a 2019 computer-generated voice but less clean. It feels like maybe it was read without rehearsal/direction?

“The truth is that painting anything with my own name on it just makes me want to scream. I can’t do it without the ringing in my ears getting so loud that I taste metal and drop the brush. It feels deeply, deeply fake and I don’t know why.”

“Three hundred years later, when the people who used it are dead, can propaganda go back to just being art again? I mean, is it like sand, where once it’s glass, you can’t make sand anymore? Or is it more like water, where it can melt or turn to stream or back to water or whatever?”

“What I really wanted—and this surprised me—was to was after all to fuck her, but not in any of the ways that it was possible for us to fuck each other. The desire came from deep inside, and it was rough and jagged. I wanted to invent a new kind of fucking, just to make her like it, although the tension of the embrace almost made me sob.” yeah

“I keep my life small… And I don’t make anything under my name, because I can’t work that way, and when I can’t work, I hurt myself. That is how I keep working, and keep myself from hurting too badly.”

“I was not rich, but I lived in good style. I drank fine pastis, slept in satin coated with wool, and I dressed like a young prince, even when I was no longer young. I have always been obsessed with clothing, being as ugly as I am— I love to see my ugly face coming from these beautiful garments like the rude stalk of a weed from a richly decorated vest.”