Status Updates From Каллокаин

“Censor’s postscript” Hung Pai Fo put the document in the “Secret Archive of the Universal State.” Hmmm so does that mean that there wasn’t really an “outside” enemy that took over where Leo lived? He just hopes for a new world. That people inside “The State” he lives in took ever? Changed stuff up. Interesting very interesting.

“…sometimes, as I sit on my bunk with my eyes closed, I can see the gleam of the stars and hear the murmur of the wind as I did that night, and I cannot, I cannot eradicate from my soul the illusion that still, in spite of everything, I am taking part in the creation of a new world.”

“…there was a chance that Linda was still alive. Perhaps Rissen, too, if they had not managed to execute him yet. I admit that it is an improbable fantasy, and were I to listen to my common sense I ought surely to spend the rest of my life in despair. As that is not the case, perhaps it merely shows that my instinct for self-preservation compels me to seek comfort in delusion.”

“…and another group of terrified informers would listen to a new Rissen. It was superstition, of course, as nothing can happen twice, but there was nothing else that I could do. It was only faint chance of being able to carry on where I had been stopped.”

“I gave them my discovery for the simple reason that I wanted it to survive. If Chemistry City No. 4 were to be razed to the ground, if the whole World State were to be turned into a desert of ash and stone, at least I would be able to think that somewhere in other countries and among other people a new Linda would speak like the first one, voluntarily, when someone tried to force her,…”

“We were not victims of a night-training exercise. We were prisoners of the enemy.”

“I felt that I touched the living depths that Rissen had cried out for and Linda had known and seen. ‘Don’t you know that this is where life springs up?’ the woman had said in my dream. I believed her, and was certain that anything at all could happen.”

“What I saw and heard might be mirages; yet they had only lent form to another universe, a universe from within – where I was used to encountering a dry, shrivelled shell that I called myself.“

“The wind was still blowing, though more faintly, and I knew that it was born not from the darkness of space but from atmospheric layers near the earth. The stars still twinkled as brightly, and I reminded myself that their pulse-beats of light were an optical illusion. But it didn’t matter.”

“When I woke to awareness of myself again, I was sitting on the wall around the roof terrace and shivering, not with cold, as it was a warm, almost hot night, but with powerful emotion.”

“The night was breathing, the night was alive, and as far out in the infinite as I could see the stars were pulsating like hearts and filling the void with wave upon wave of vibrating life.”

“From the deserted terrace something absolutely unfamiliar greeted me. I was deeply shocked, without knowing why. After a few seconds I realized what had scared me. The sound of aeroplanes, which usually filled the air night and day, was gone. There was silence.”

“Such was the general gist, but I would not be able to reproduce the precise details were my life to depend on it. No sooner had I once again forced myself to pay attention than my thoughts of Linda and Rissen and the new world that existed and wanted to emerge made me forget everything around me.”

“…it was about the development of life in the State from the most primitive division, when individuals, each a solitary centre in themselves, lived in constant insecurity – insecurity in relation to the powers of nature and insecurity in relation to other similar solitary centres – and to the finished State, which was the individual’s only meaning and justification, granting complete and utter security.”

“When it was time, I went – quite mechanically, without it occurring to me that I could play truant. I would never see Linda again.”

“‘…I’m a cog. I’m a creature from which they have taken the life…And yet: right now I know that it isn’t true. It’s the Kallocain that’s making me full of irrational hope, of course–everything is becoming light and clear and calm. At least I’m alive – in spite of all they have from me – and right now I know that what I am is on the way somewhere….’”

“All this is just game-playing. For I’ve always been able to pin my hopes on him before. I straightened up, saw Karrek smile sardonically, and I heard him say with honey-soft politeness: ‘It may perhaps interest you to know that it is you who will administer the Kallocain injection in the case of Edo Rissen. You are next in line, as the regular injector is presently himself being injected….’”

“Everything she had said was said from within myself. I was sick, unstrung to the roots of my being, because she had held herself like a mirror in front of me. I had not suspected that she, with her tight lips, with her silence and her penetrating eyes, was made of the same weak timber as I. How could I threaten her, how could I force her, when that was how it was?”

“‘How can it be?’ she whispered in anguish. ‘How can it be, that we search for something that doesn’t exist? How can it be that we are sick unto death, when we’re completely well, when all is as it should be. . .’”

Leo’s wife, Linda, is unhappy but she is also confused as to why she is unhappy because everything in her life is “as it should be” but she’s still not happy. She worries about her children how they are not “home age” anymore and she misses them and she loves Leo but she’s also confused. Cause she “should be happy”

So he gave Linda a shot of Kallocain while she was sleeping (well first he tied her up and before that he covered up the “police ears & police eyes” aka cameras in their bedroom) and she said she would’ve killed him dayyys ago if she wasn’t so scared. She also said basically she had so many things she wanted to do or say but never did.