Status Updates From Direct Descendant

Okay sure whatever. Review later

Yeah. That revelation and subsequent emotional beat were unearned. I know I sound critical of this one, but it's because everything wrong with this is SO easily fixable. Have the leads meet sooner, have Melanie's suspicious grow more gradually, have her do some ACTUAL sleuthing, set up the more mundane emotional conflicts sooner... Everything that moves this story forward is incredibly delayed and then abrupt

Our POV characters have finally met! And I don't think the relationship between them is going to save this for me... Going to try to get this finished today. Honestly, I should probably just DNF, but I do want to know if anything interesting happens here at all. It's a shame if not, the concept's really good

There's such good concepts here but I'm honestly so boreddddd. I love lingering as much as the next person, but the internality of these characters is really not worth it. Pick up the SPEED, do SOMETHING with this creepy little town you've created!!!

Okay, THERE'S the weird shit and casual civilian response to death and violence peeking through. THAT'S what I was looking for

Hmmmm was hoping the weird factor would veer a bit more Night Vale in this. Or, barring that, maybe Sunnydale. It's more like... Honestly, it's more like my hometown. Early pages, though