Status Updates From How to Speak Life to Your H...

Though I didn’t believe I was the man Ann said I was, I began over the course of time to want to become that man. I not only started trying harder to be the husband and father Ann knew I could be, but more so I started believing I had real value as God’s son—and yes, as Ann’s husband. That set me free and gave me a lot of peace.

Then I started learning that if I have something important I need to say to Dave that might be hard for him to hear, I should go to Jesus first and ask him how to phrase it in a way that will bring life instead of death.

Every criticism, accusation, critique, and nagging word only serves to lop off more and more of the husband until, at least when he’s at home with us, he’s merely a wounded stump of the man God intends him to be. The reality was, though it felt super justified in the moment, I sliced and diced a once vibrant and confident man into a withdrawn, bitter, belittled one.

We may not realize it as it’s happening, but with each criticism, we’re lopping off so much that, eventually, the only thing left of a once full and lively plant (of a husband) is a mutilated, stumpy remnant.

When we take our eyes solely off of our spouse and look at ourselves as well, we will realize just how much we need the same amazing grace we are so often unwilling to give to our spouse.

I thought this was part of my job—to make Dave more like Jesus. So I tried, but it wasn’t working. That’s because it was an assignment never given to me. It was God’s job, not mine.

God has put within you the ability to bring out the best in those around you, including your husband. Most women don’t realize the power and influence they carry within them, or why it’s there. This is not about being a doormat or not holding our husbands responsible for their shortcomings.