Status Updates From A Dumb Birds Field Guide to...

"...breeding in the dry shrubsteppe of the Great Plains.

Wait, hold on. We have a shrubsteppe?!" (103) are there shrubsteppe dubstep bands?

"Also, it’s one of only twenty-nine animals that can be legally hunted in Japan, which is confusing because it’s usually frowned upon, if not outright illegal, to shoot your own national bird. Japan is a complicated place." (102)

"In spite of its pretentious plumage, fragile nerves, and apparent uselessness in a fight, the green pheasant is still Japan’s national bird and a beloved character in Japanese folk history." (102)

"Bird Region: Native to Africa, wild ostriches can also be found in Australia, where some escaped captivity and have become feral. Yes, you heard that right: feral ostriches. Goddammit, Australia." (91)

"If you detect a look of stupidity in [an ostrich's] billiard ball–size eyes, it’s probably because each one is larger than its brain." (90-91) well, that is wild

"What the Hell-bird
...Common name: White Bellbird
...
In spite of the monstrosity growing out of its forehead, the thing that makes this bird truly abominable is its excruciating mating call, a piercing metallic ringing sound. Seriously, it’s like Thor’s hammer hitting an anvil, only WAY too loud." (85) was wondering how a bit call could sound metallic, looked up a recording online and was like "oh, like that"

"[Chestnut-winged Cuckoos] lay their eggs primarily in the unattended nests of various species of laughing thrushes and then fly away thinking, 'Who’s laughing now, thrushes?'

If this seems like a dick move, that’s because it is." (43)

Ok but Dr. John Swatson is actually the best cat name I've seen in a while

"HAIKUS
...
Strutting like a king
Honk honk honk honk honk honk honk
Go fuck yourself, goose" (14)

"do recognize that this organizational system is a bit of a departure from most bird guides. So, for that reason, at the end of this book I have also included the traditional geographic bird regions and provided a corresponding index of the birds, for those who need to be reassured that the world is still under control and that everything is going to be okay." (28)