Status Updates From Culpability

No matter what parents do, their children’s outcomes are neither predictable nor inevitable. Life is not to an algorithm, and never will be.

My chest buckles, sending me into a sudden and convulsive wave, a deep, wet, hiccuping cry that begins in my throat, travels down through my ribs and stomach, and to send all the way to my toes. I know Charlie is right, I know I need to let those fantasies go. But I can’t help my reaction, we’ll never escape the churn of dreams, mistakes, regrets, and terrors that is fatherhood.