Status Updates From Hitze

“We were bonded in our mutual hatred of our bodies”

Women suffer a lot

“clowning is about interrogating the human condition”

Me defending my tipsy self to my friends

Consider this sentence(!) before wanting to read this book:

«So I take my basket and my bell and hold them in my lap on the F, the L, and the posthumous fart that is the B60 bus, asleep before I fall into bed and then rise to my landlord-cum-yogi sucking an appetite-suppressant lollipop in my doorway, asking me to pay up or get out, and also namaste, before I take a cold shower and…» (max characters exceeded)

I am so unsettled by this book, I can’t wait for it be over so I can return to a world of relative normalcy. Whatever that really means.

It’s so odd

Also after this book, I am reading the most orthodox book, just to reset my brain, like wtf is this

“Maybe my life isn’t as serious as yours. But I’m a person.”

Me when my colleagues ask me what I did on the weekend

Let me catch you up on the misadventures of our mc, she’s at the 14 year wedding anniversary of the man she’s sleeping with and his quite lovely wife and she’s wearing a dress the wife gave her. Carrie Bradshaw you’ve been outdone

“Of all the men I’ve slept with at work, this is the one who cost me the most”

She’s certifiable

“You fucking slut,” he says, and then releases me”

I beg your pardon

“Some men at least have the decency to guide you immediately to all the things that are wrong with them”
Real

This is the first time in the history of the world that someone has opstrung these sentences together:

“And when we fight in private, I want him to maybe accidentally punch me. I want us to have a long, fruitful bird-watching career, and then I want us to find out we have cancer at exactly the same time. Then I remember his wife, the coaster eases downward, and we fall.”

“Eric’s enthusiasm is infectious. After the first two rides, I am enjoying myself, and not just because dying means I won’t have to pay my student loans”

Funny