Status Updates From The Amityville Horror

Not only is this book every single haunted house trope, it's also what absolutely NOT TO DO if you live in a haunted house. It's like haunted house 101, and they are messing with every trope haha

oh fun, now there's green slime (ectoplasm) oozing down the walls! whatever will happen next, and omg why would you taste it

now a medium has come who felt presences and such

The amount of exclamation marks that are used whenever something that is supposed to be creepy or odd happens is: a. too many times and b. honestly takes away from the horror to me because it just seems funny. like "and then he heard a marching band in the living room, but no one was there! dun dun dun"

lollll the wife asks "you think this place is haunted?" and the husband goes "nawwww, totally not" even after all the weird shit that has already happened

oh yeah, the priest now has a weird, unexplained itchy rash on his palms

if i write a proper review, I'll have to list out all the tropes cuz... also the family is friends with a priest who only visited the house once, but! you guessed it, he somehow has bad ~vibes~ about the family and house and has a chronic flu now!

ohh and the dad's car now of course suddenly blew out a tire. I'm truly in awe by how much Anson has included in this, and we aren't even half way haha

lol that this is called a "true" story. It has just about every haunted house trope- cursed land used by Indians, links to witchcraft, the family starts acting weird, one kid has an "imaginary" creepy pig, the house is always freezing, there's a secret room, the father starts to resemble one of the previous owners who killed his entire family a year before. Don't get me wrong, it's entertaining but also like lollllll

No slow burn here. 38 pages in (it's been a week) and shit is happening. Honestly surprised this family ended up staying for as long as they did. I mean, the place is freezing, there's flies in one window in the dead of winter, the toilets are black, some of the rooms smell atrocious, and now a crucifix is upside down in a closet - oh, and the closet smells. The kids are acting weird. How can it get any worse lol??