Status Updates From The Grave Robber: The Bigge...

This guy is wokin up my FBI!

And then everyone stood up and cheered and they gave you the key to the city and Bernadette peters ran in and frenched you right? Right? Because you’re the big tough guy hero in the back of the room that everyone underestimated? Right?

Girl if you don’t pour that nasty dressing and serve bob

Another stunning indictment of the American legal system. It’s a wonder that the fbi decides to arbitrarily investigate any crimes. Fuck off I mean come on you’ve actively discovered a criminal holding millions of dollars worth of illegally possessed international goods and some asshole in Indiana basically gets to say I don’t wanna? What is the point of my tax dollars

It’s so funny reading this book because this guy wants you to think he’s mister FBI but like clearly his professor friend is doing all the heavy lifting. And then when she gets him good information he steps in and basically goes “but what about crimes are you doing any crimes?” And she has to bail him out like the first fifty pages of this book are about the incompetence of the American judicial system

This guy wishes he was writing the script for the lifetime movie soooooo bad