Status Updates From Helix: Blight of Exiles (He...

oh SHIT

Ishmael's driving is making me anxious, of all things

i just almost cried as a scene with a villain, that was... woah

“You have any more of those?”
“I only saw the one.”
“Then we’ll just have to make it look like we have an inexhaustible supply.”

the improvisation is real, they really are making things up as they go

“Where’s my gun?”
“I dropped it,” Ishmael said.
“Again?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t have any hands at the time.”

gotta love quotes out of context
but also this is hilarious as a running gag

"I’m making constipated faces, aren’t I?”
“Yes.”
“I won’t make fun of your pain-face ever again.”
"Yay!"

this book is a gem i swear

... and of course it went HORRIBLY WRONG WTF 😱

this is an insane plan

“Are we all going to turn into cats?”
Foster answered drily, “No, more likely you’ll end up as cat-wolf-monkey-people. Also, you may end up meowing at the moon.”
“I’ve never meowed at the moon,” Ishmael said.
“He hisses at it,” the Padre said.

“So what has to happen? Is he supposed to bite me? Because that seems somehow . . .” He couldn’t find the best word. Dep found it for him. “Kinky?”

i love this book

what the FUCK. omfg what a chapter... i don't understand everything that's happening but this book is like, very good

“Here kitty kitty . . .” With his cheek muscles thickening, Ishmael smiled, growling, “Meow.”

Bug-Eye's tactics are somehow the most terrifying thing in this book, and that's saying a lot

“I wish Holly had killed you in your sleep the day you got here.”
“Love you too, honey.” He stood and checked his many pockets for his knife. He watched the screens, praying to all the cat gods of the internet that it was simply an environmental glitch that knocked them offline.

PRAYING TO ALL THE CAT GODS OF THE INTERNET OMFG IM HYPERVENTILATING