Status Updates From Helix: Blight of Exiles (He...

oh SHIT

Ishmael's driving is making me anxious, of all things

i just almost cried as a scene with a villain, that was... woah

“You have any more of those?”
“I only saw the one.”
“Then we’ll just have to make it look like we have an inexhaustible supply.”

the improvisation is real, they really are making things up as they go

“Where’s my gun?”
“I dropped it,” Ishmael said.
“Again?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t have any hands at the time.”

gotta love quotes out of context
but also this is hilarious as a running gag

"I’m making constipated faces, aren’t I?”
“Yes.”
“I won’t make fun of your pain-face ever again.”
"Yay!"

this book is a gem i swear

... and of course it went HORRIBLY WRONG WTF 😱

this is an insane plan

“Are we all going to turn into cats?”
Foster answered drily, “No, more likely you’ll end up as cat-wolf-monkey-people. Also, you may end up meowing at the moon.”
“I’ve never meowed at the moon,” Ishmael said.
“He hisses at it,” the Padre said.

“So what has to happen? Is he supposed to bite me? Because that seems somehow . . .” He couldn’t find the best word. Dep found it for him. “Kinky?”

i love this book

what the FUCK. omfg what a chapter... i don't understand everything that's happening but this book is like, very good

“Here kitty kitty . . .” With his cheek muscles thickening, Ishmael smiled, growling, “Meow.”

Bug-Eye's tactics are somehow the most terrifying thing in this book, and that's saying a lot

“I wish Holly had killed you in your sleep the day you got here.”
“Love you too, honey.” He stood and checked his many pockets for his knife. He watched the screens, praying to all the cat gods of the internet that it was simply an environmental glitch that knocked them offline.

PRAYING TO ALL THE CAT GODS OF THE INTERNET OMFG IM HYPERVENTILATING

“No, I mean, you’re in here because . . . he doesn’t like cats?”

that's a plot twist 😂
(i do like the emphasis on discrimination of "other")

"Her eyes crinkled, but she seemed reluctant to smile. That would have meant they were becoming frenemies, and life on Wyndham Farms was complicated enough."

they are so frenemies now and i'm HERE for it

my head feels heavy from all that science

She clapped her hand to her eyes. “Why haven’t we thrown you off a cliff yet?”
“I’m too sexy,” Ishmael sniped.
“God,” she said.

this is a book i'm reading

“Look at them angrily, and those computers start to shut down”

LMAO isn't that just SO. TRUE.

"Once, he’d felt himself drift off, and whether it was in his dreams or not, he heard a deep and far off voice echoing in the north: “Pretty kitty . . .” There was no chance of sleep after that."

...no i can imagine there really wasn't

WOW Ishmael finally gets a shirt! what a cause for celebration!!

“Real or not,” Ishmael said, “we can still be good. We still have purpose in this world. And if you can do good for others, if you can cry because someone you care for is in pain, then I don’t care what anyone says, you have a soul, and a good one, and that makes you real in my books.”

how can this chapter start with straight out horror and end with the most genuinely sweet scene in the book yet

"You think you can last another hour?"
"That depends on how quickly Helen picks up this next lesson. If she kills me, I'll die proud."
"If she kills you, I'll adopt her. But also I'll point at your corpse and laugh."
"That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me since I got here."

"(...) you were the first to arrive in such a busted-up shape, so she must have known something was different about you. Or maybe she took a fancy to that tight little ass of yours."
"In the last 3 days, I have seen things that will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life, but that, undoubtedly, will go down as the most disturbing thing I've heard you say."

shuffle embarrassing his son like the DadTM he's become

this book is funny, i like it (it's also very creepy bordering on outright terrifing, horror is not my fave)

"I wasn't unarmed. I had a tin can lid and a kitchen towel."

resourcefulness at its best