Status Updates From The Way We Met (The Way I U...

who has been showing me, for so long and in so many ways, that I can find my own safe places within me, too. That home can be wherever we are, because we have a past that belongs to both of us, and a future, and a right now. Right now, right here, we're together. And that's all that matters.

"So?" he begins. "What's the verdict?"
"That went so much better than I was thinking it would," I answer. "A million times better."
"They didn't scare you off too much, then?" I shake my head. "No, they weren't so scary after all. I can see many more family dinners at your parents' house in our future.
"Our future," he repeats. "I like the way that sounds."

"Thank you," I tell him. "For seeing me.
He leans over and kisses my forehead. "Thank you for talking about the past with me.
"We should talk about the future, too," I say.
He nods this time.
The future doesn't seem as scary in the daylight now.

I nod, and I feel myself giving in, wanting all those versions of myself to be seen, to be witnessed, to matter, to be understood. I don't try to say anything else.

That's what these pictures make me think of, except it goes like this: If a girl dies in a crowded room, but nobody sees it happen, did she ever really exist at all?
💖🫂

He points to me sharing a music stand with Mara, holding my clarinet high, not looking at the camera.
"I see you."
I try to say his name again, try to say,
"That's not me”

The glasses. The smile. Every time I look at this picture, I'm overtaken with such deep sadness. She doesn't know what's about to happen to her—how she'll be changed by what's about to happen to her.
"Josh?" My throat wants

"It just feels sad to think we missed a chance or something.
"Yeah, but we got another one. And another one after that," I add, smiling.

But I think he knows I'm not going to use the word "pretty" in a sentence about myself.

I feel u eden

It brings me right back to that very brief time we were together in high school, when being here with him was pretty much the only time I ever felt safe. Which reminds me of how truly scared I used to be—I was scared all the time back then. I pull in closer to him and have to remind myself of how much has changed since those days. How much I've changed.

We do this almost every night, but tonight feels so different. His old bed brings a visceral kind of comfort to me.

AUNT RACHEL IS THE GOAT LOL

they're not perfect, and Josh is not perfect. And I start to feel like maybe it's okay if I'm not perfect either.

"Just so you know, I'm not seeking their approval of you or anything like that. I want to show you off to my parents. Show them how good my life is right now."

"They do. They will. And by the way, however you look, you're always going to look like someone who should be with me."

He laughs like he thinks I'm being paranoid, but he doesn't know how much it means to me that his parents don't hate me. They don't even have to like me; I just need them not to hate me.