Status Updates From Swallowed

‘“Yes,” I gasp, and I feel... the Planet inside me, beneath me, all around me.’

Fucking the planet? ??

“My gaze falls to his hands again. He’s still fingering the lush blades of grass, his expression thoughtful, like he wants to understand it on a cellular level. It occurs to me that this isn’t objectively sexy. It’s a man touching grass. But as he runs one finger along a particularly eager length of silver-green, I swear I feel it....”

Lady what

‘“I contain multitudes.”

Julian gives Ben a slow once-over. “Your eye to bicep ratio says otherwise.”

Darcie turns to stare at Julian. “His what?”

“My what?”

“He has small eyes and huge biceps. The mark of a meathead.”’

What am I reading

Starting with fucking lord Tennyson is so fucking funny