Status Updates From The Witch

I couldn't tell you the plot of this book

“...She’s always talking to me about birds, she claims some birds or other are supposed to come and take her away, or maybe she herself is supposed to take the form of a bird ... What can I tell her? I just say: How are you ever going to fly away, heavy and fat as you are?”

👁️👄👁️

“Your mother tells me this thing is your father. Yes, that snail you’re holding. I’m obeying her wishes, I’m doing and saying what she told me, but I have nothing to do with this madness. On Saturday she took the train to the seaside, on Sunday she came back with the snail in her bag....”

👁️👄👁️

“...And maybe, I went on to tell myself, my daughters had simply run away from home, maybe they were out hitchhiking, maybe they’d been arrested somewhere, maybe they were hidden away in some other Women’s University, among so many other girls just like them.”

Can't believe the daughters just transformed into crows and flew away

‘“Robert’s too long-winded,” Maud interrupted.

“Suppose we call him Bob?” Lise suggested. “What do you say, Bob?”

“My name is Robert,” he said sternly.

“Yes, but it’s horrible,” my daughters explained. “Surely you can see that, Robert is horrible, whereas Bob …”

“My name is Robert,” he said again.’

The kids are such little shits lol

‘“Oh, you should see her”—she sighed—“Lili’s huge, absolutely huge. I tell you, she’s gotten so heavy I had to replace her little bed—you know, the metal bed with the gilded balls—with a double bed, like for married people, can you imagine? She’s gotten so fat! Pierrot couldn’t believe it.”’

What the helly

“...He hadn’t touched the checking account, but he’d drained our savings account of the 120,000 francs recently given me by my father on the occasion of his promotion in the insurance company he’d been working for these past thirty years.”

Throw the whole man into the dumpster 🚮

And now the FMC's husband (who hates her) found inspo in what his colleague did (abandon his wife and child) decided to stay a few nights at his mom's place to abandon his own wife?? Wtf is happening??

The FMC told her husband's colleague's wife to pick him up after dinner but the guy... Literally walked out the back door and climbed a hedge into the neighbor's yard to escape his wife?? Wtf am I reading

“...Monsieur Matin went on inspiring in my husband, and then even in Maud and Lise, such an excited, respectful curiosity that I soon understood it was leaving his wife and his little boy that had made Monsieur Matin a hero for my husband, who would otherwise never have looked twice at anyone so mundane.”

Eww wtf