Status Updates From Hamlet

"If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart,
Absent thee from felicity awhile,
And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain,
To tell my story."

Hamlet's letter to Horatio: Hey man... on our course to England we kinda got chased by pirates, and i may have boarded their ship and they may have captured me... but actually they are kinda chill and i owe them a favour now. And the things i found out? Bro, you ain't gonna believe them! Anyway. Give these letters to the king,
You already know im all yours,
H.

👀👀👀👀👀

Guildensern: *trying to subtly get some info out of Hamlet*
Hamlet: Oh, you think you can play. Here, take this flute, play it.
Guildenstern: I can't, I don't know how to play it
hamlet: oh, you can't even play this flute, yet you think you can PLAY ME? 🧐 THINK AGAIN BITCH

love this sassy king 👑

petition to bring back "Thats wormwood!" as a synonym for "oof, that's gotta hurt!" (burn!)

lmao not Hamlet trying to flirt with ophelia
Hamlet: can i lie on your lap?
Ophelia: WHAT?
Hamlet: i mean.... can i put my head on your lap to watch the play? you thought i meant something dirty didn't ya

Meanwhile Hamlet talking about Horatio:

"Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice
and could of men distinguish her election
Sh'hath sealed thee for herself"

"Give me that man
that is not passion's slave, and i will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
as I do thee"

fellas... is it gay...?

ophelia: we should be together
hamlet: no we can't, because... I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't really fit in, and i don't wanna fit in. i don't trust women and I don't wanna get married. In fact, we should abolish marriage so that no one else ever gets married ever. go become a nun (x10).

damn... a rejection like that gotta hurt

haven’t read in 2 1/5 months