Status Updates From The Deal Maker

I don't need to be the perfect daughter. The perfect sister. The perfect employee. I just want to be the woman who loves Hunter, and the woman Hunter loves back.

"He's it for me."

"She's more than enough for me."

"This is New York. No one's interested in our sex life."

There's no arguing with that. Everyone in New York has enough going on with their own lives without gossiping about perfect strangers.

He wants for me what I want for me. And he believes I can have it. I feel the same about him.

"It's going to be a lot. You working all the hours. Me studying and working too."

"But we can handle a lot. A lot is what we're used to."

"So you'll move in with me?"

"Of course I will. We'll move in together."

We know what our future holds. Why wait?

there's no point in delaying things. Why would we not live together? We both work incredibly demanding jobs. We should make the most of the time we're not in the office.

He believes in me when I don't have enough faith for myself. And I know h he's going to be brilliant even when he doubts himself. We understand and accept each other's flaws and are better because of them. We're far from perfect, but we fit together like each one of us doesn't quite work without the other.

I thought handsome men making grand declarations of love was the kind of thing that only ever happened to women like my sister or in the novels of Jane Austen. Up until recently I've felt like a supported character in everyone else's life. Today, Hunter made me feel like a leading lady. The heroine of my own story.

"You're entirely too good for me, but never too much. You're a perfect amount. For me."

She bites back a smile, but she looks nervous. "I've spent my entire life a little bit broken. Mom chipping away bit by bit ... But I've never felt so breakable as I did when you said you wanted to take a step back. I can't do that again."

But I'm driven by a desire to succeed now. Not by a fear of failure.

I've been circling the runway, in a holding pattern, waiting for someone to tell me to land. Meanwhile, I'm running outta fuel.

(The narrators pronounced it "Ben wick" - but the BBC miniseries I watched pronounced it "ben nick" ... no W.)

I didn't see that it wasn't Ed I didn't trust. It was myself. "I don't think I trusted that I could run the business for two weeks without you so ... I pushed Lucy away." ... I've taken my self-doubt out on those who mean the most to me. Ed. Lucy. Neither of them have deserved the way I treated them.

It's not just Ed I've put my faith in. After this weekend, I finally trust myself too.

You've never given me any reason to doubt you, but that's what I've done. I've doubted you and you didn't deserve it. ... When your own father lets you down, you expect the rest of the world to as well.

I feel like I've been carrying around a sack of rocks, and telling my dad what I knew and who I knew him to be ... It's like I set that sack down. I feel lighter.

A look of disappointment crosses Ed's face. Not long ago, I would have interpreted his expression as disappointment in me, but now I recognize he's disappointed *for* me. Disappointed that I had a father who would do that to me.

My training wheels - my long-held beliefs about myself - have come off, but I'm still wobbly. But I know the more I live in this new reality, the easier it will become.

"Out of failure, we build success. I've said that to you before."

He has said it. Many times. Every time I've ever tried to talk to him about the failure of Bain Insurance. Except I'm sick of wearing the failure like I wove the cloth and made the suit. It came off the rack.

My mom put her hand on her chest dramatically, as if only her hand is holding her heart inside her body.

It's unwritten rule in our law firm that partner emails never have to wait more than an hour - and then only if you're in meeting or on call on something else.

I caught the bouquet. Well, Katherine passed it to me. I'm not sure it counts.

For first time since Martha's Vineyard, I feel distance opening up between Hunter & me rather than horizon closing in.

There's no way he'd have suggested going into business w/some worthless dropout who sinks businesses. He knew you were smart, self-motivated, and trustworthy.

I know, but he took chance on me.

Of course he did. But he didn't do it out of pity of charity. He did it because he knew you'd be good fit for each other. You know what? You deserve credit for saying yes.

admitting that father didn't take responsibility feels like ... I lost father that day. He stopped being man who'd stand in front of bus for me. Stopped being man I could go to for help & advice. Stopped being man I could trust.

It's like she knows everything w/out me having to tell her. feels like I've known Lucy much longer than I have - that we're in decade-old relationship or something. Maybe it's because we started off hating each other & didn't waste time trying to show carefully curated versions of ourselves to each other. Maybe it's because the people closest to us love each other.

Why not seize the pleasure at once? 'How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!'

That's what my mom would say. Well, she wouldn't. Jane Austen in "Emma" would.

So that's a lot of pressure, trying to keep up with people like that.

Maybe *you're* people like that. Ever think about that?