Status Updates From Mrs Darcy’s Moonlight Flit

Aaaaand, the mystery of WHO is leaking private information about Elizabeth to the malicious press… It was Mary all along ! Pious Mary was a treacherous villainess after all… bitter vile pours out as her “confession” [ eye roll ]

Elizabeth overhears Darcy talking to his uncle the judge, and the judge advises Darcy to divorce and have his wife get an abortion (yes! even though none lf them know if Lizzy is enceinte or not).

Elizabeth overhears and kickstarts a plan to fake her own death, joing Lydia and travel to the Continent undercover. Darcy is completely lost and procrastinates while he wallows in his feelings.

Darcy arrives home drunk after a ball, calls Elizabeth “Caroline” in bed, Elizabeth doesn’t react.

When Elizabeth feels ill the next morning, Darcy rushes to see if she is well, but is disgusted by the smell, says so in contempt and rushes away to his own rooms, leaving Elizabeth still sick and unwell, without even bothering to ring for a maid !

Lydia was “kidnapped” by Wickham right outside of Gunther’s, W sort of assaulted her in an arranged scandal to damage Elizabeth reputation but Lydia fought him — never mind she doesn’t like him &explicitly doesn’t want to marry him, because Darcy is already bribing W to pay all his debts &more, just to he can marry Lydia and take her far away.

This is the same Darcy who threw a tantrum over silver spoons

One minute Darcy is throwing a spat because Elizabeth is spending too much of HIS money. These are not all her purchases, but fake purchases Lady Matlock is pressuring E to make, or maybe even requesting behind her back.

Next minute Lady Matlock (again) convinces Lizzy that she NEEDS TO host a very elegant & expensive ball, and Darcy inexplicably agrees !

Then no one shows up and it’s a bust…

Now Lizzy had some inexplicable miscommunication with the seamstress, so her dress was half done & quite scandalous, and she is attending a formal dinner half naked because OF COURSE she has to wear the new dress Lady Matlock advised anyway !

Elizabeth’s first surprise visitor as lady of the house in Darcy’s London home is PRINCESS AUGUSTA, who happened to be BFFs with Lady Anne, and arrives testing Elizabeth by asking her to gift her (the guest) a random Chinese porcelain bowl, without informing ot requesting permission from Darcy [super normal situation ! ]

“Mr. Darcy’s resemblance to a Greek God chiselled in Bianco Carrara marble did much to appease her anxiety. With the confidence of Zeus, he strutted about the room in his birthday suit”

Really??

Darcy proposes to Elizabeth in haste, then rushes away from Elizabeth before they can even ejoy the moment, because he left some jewels he intended to gift her in his room (at Netherfield), leaving Elizabeth alone in a balcony, in the middle of a ball, pray to Caroline Bingley’s insidious commentary — does this make sense ??

“ Their lips met, the angels chorused, and a flock of cupids attacked her heart with a dozen prickly arrows. “ [ eye roll ]