Status Updates From Varney, the Vampyre

we finally hit an obligatory “i hate my bitch wife” joke

This back cover is not accurate.

This back cover is not accurate.

Okay, so Varney's final actual for-real-honest backstory a.) contained nothing that we hadn't already seen play out in this book ten times before, except b.) a bunch of stuff about Cromwell and Charles II which doesn't matter and was just there 'cause, I dunno, Rymer wanted to discuss centuries-old politics in this vampire horror story.

Stop cutting back to Bevan just so that he can ask "Should I believe that this guy that I know is a vampire is actually a vampire?" It's pointless, and also it makes me hate this story more by reminding me that Bevan exists in it.

Man, all these bits are repetitive. Varney sneaks into a room and bites a girl. She screams. He flees. Everyone wakes up. Parent cries "murder!" even though the victim just fainted. Menfolk set up watch the next night. Hopefully this will be the last one, but I wouldn't put it past Rymer to slip in another in the next eight pages.