Status Updates From A Grief Observed

But if I spiral, am I going up or down it? How often- will it be- for always?- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, ‘I never realized my loss till this moment’? The same leg is cut off time after time. The first plunge of the knife into the flesh is felt again and again.

49

seeing as how I've been grieving my whole life, it feels like time