Status Updates From The Grade Cricketer

You can take the boy out of grade cricket, but you can’t take grade cricket out of the boy. Having spent years surrounded by utter fuckwits, I, too, had become a fuckwit. I was a product of my environment.

As a kid, Dad used to throw balls at me for hours. But as I moved into adulthood, he began to throw insults at me instead, such as ‘stop wasting your time’, ‘get a job’, and ‘when are you moving out?’  All I ever wanted for Christmas was a set of throwdowns from Dad. And for him to say that he loved me. This Christmas, however, he was gifting me a public humiliation. 😂

So your missus still doesn’t understand why you spend your whole weekend playing cricket? Imagine how an umpire’s girlfriend must feel. Seriously, imagine being an umpire’s girlfriend. He’d rather officiate a shit game of cricket than spend a gorgeous Saturday afternoon with you. 😂

The trick was to throw the ball against the wall and quickly get into position to face the rebound. Not a lot to it, in retrospect, but I loved it. I’d dream up real-life cricketing scenarios, which almost always involved Australia chasing a daunting total. I was the debutant tasked with saving a crucial test match after a top-order collapse. I’d be up against the West Indies, with Curtly Ambrose & Courtney Walsh.