Status Updates From Carpe Jugulum (Discworld, #23)
Carpe Jugulum (Discworld, #23) by
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Bobby Ingram
is 77% done
Pratchett vamps while also in the middle of D20 doing a vamp season. What a time to be alive.
Daily Granny & Death:
‘Am I dyin’?’
YES.
‘Will I die?’
YES.
Granny thought this over.
‘But from your point of view, everyone is dying and everyone will die, right?’
YES.
‘So you aren’t actually bein’ a lot of help, strictly speakin’.’
I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THE TRUTH. PERHAPS YOU WERE EXPECTING JELLY AND ICE CREAM?
— 10 hours, 11 min ago
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Daily Granny & Death:
‘Am I dyin’?’
YES.
‘Will I die?’
YES.
Granny thought this over.
‘But from your point of view, everyone is dying and everyone will die, right?’
YES.
‘So you aren’t actually bein’ a lot of help, strictly speakin’.’
I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THE TRUTH. PERHAPS YOU WERE EXPECTING JELLY AND ICE CREAM?
Bobby Ingram
is 50% done
This one has been very fun so far.
Daily Vampires:
‘That’s just a fashion item! Oh, I know she says she’s partial to a drop of port, but really it’s just blood in the glass. Henry actually brought a bottle to a party and she fainted at the smell!’
‘Henry?’ said the Countess.
Lacrimosa looked down sulkily. ‘Graven Gierachi,’ she said.
‘The one who grows his hair short and pretends he’s an accountant,’ said Vlad.
— May 15, 2026 09:18AM
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Daily Vampires:
‘That’s just a fashion item! Oh, I know she says she’s partial to a drop of port, but really it’s just blood in the glass. Henry actually brought a bottle to a party and she fainted at the smell!’
‘Henry?’ said the Countess.
Lacrimosa looked down sulkily. ‘Graven Gierachi,’ she said.
‘The one who grows his hair short and pretends he’s an accountant,’ said Vlad.
Bobby Ingram
is 25% done
My friends, I am going to LOVE reading about Granny fucking these vampyres up:
‘Granny Weatherwax is going to hear about this, and you’ll wish you’d never been born . . . or un-born or re-born or whatever you are!’
‘We look forward to meeting her,’ said the Count calmly. ‘But here we are, and I don’t seem to see this famous lady with us. Perhaps you should go and fetch her? You could take your friends'
— May 13, 2026 02:26PM
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‘Granny Weatherwax is going to hear about this, and you’ll wish you’d never been born . . . or un-born or re-born or whatever you are!’
‘We look forward to meeting her,’ said the Count calmly. ‘But here we are, and I don’t seem to see this famous lady with us. Perhaps you should go and fetch her? You could take your friends'
Bobby Ingram
is 5% done
Granny vs. Vampires? Yes, please
Daily Death:
‘Your money,’ said the highwayman, ‘or your life. Which part of this don’t you understand?’
OH, I SEE. WELL, I HAVE A SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY.
A couple of coins landed on the frosty road. The highwayman scrabbled for them but could not pick them up, a fact that only added to his annoyance.
‘It’s your life, then!’
The mounted figure shook its head. I THINK NOT. I REALLY DO.
— May 13, 2026 04:20AM
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Daily Death:
‘Your money,’ said the highwayman, ‘or your life. Which part of this don’t you understand?’
OH, I SEE. WELL, I HAVE A SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY.
A couple of coins landed on the frosty road. The highwayman scrabbled for them but could not pick them up, a fact that only added to his annoyance.
‘It’s your life, then!’
The mounted figure shook its head. I THINK NOT. I REALLY DO.
