Status Updates From Uma Rapariga É Uma Coisa In...

“ What if we were young, were small again? And if all this wasn't to be, what'd we be then? What I’d be. What I'd do. “

Not a fan of the prose of this, will have to revisit when I fancy a brain scrambling xoxoox

"And under water lungs grow. Flowing in. Like fire torch. Like air is. That choke of. Eyes and nose and throat. Where uncle did. No. Gone away. Where mother speak. Is deaf my ears. Hold tight to me. I. Will I say? For you to hear? Alone. My name is. Water. All alone. My name. The plunge is faster. The deeper cold is coming in. What's left? What's left behind? What's it? It is. My name for me. My I.

My name is gone."

"For I'm twenty now whenyou were gone. When were you gone?
Rise up the lake above me. Take me where the waters go. I'll take your hand. You'll show. You'll show me all my lands and evil heart as you know it. Brother me. Clean here. Show me all the places of a soul. Where I will calm. And calm now.
Give up dry land.
I'm. Tired. Let it.
Go there.
Struggle down.
We are down. We are down down down."

"And I know what you say. Come on you say. Come with. Come down. Come down where the water turns to hot and rivers flowing rocks go by. Dive the. Dive with me. You say. You tell. You tell me your name and tell me the truth this time. Ssssh. We'll live there for a thousand Lir years. There now. There now. Take my hand.
Let the water take the thing away. Take body. Tired as I am as you are. Full and watered down."

"And kicking my legs like I'm out to sea they are cold going cold on me. And plastic bags and bottles go by. When I was. When we were. Do you see? My feet are silver licking through the frozen clouds beneath us. I know below me this water goes all the way down. I see the murk where fishes live. Those churned-up leaves silt where I look down. Those houses for the dead where cold is coldest. Cannot see. This lake."

"Fine look because I see you under. Because we are very young. And we are very clean here like when we wash our hands. When we're in the rain. I was.
You break the surface up. Gasp. Air is. That's what air is again.
We are in the water. Hands as white as numb and you splash crack and trigs at me above the black. With your good hand. Float. There is every missing bit. All bits of me I."

"I am. Kicking my legs. Extinguish all the lights I can. That's gone. And now that's gone.
More slowly on this water. More slowly. Where the center is the darkest. Cannot see is black down in. That. A far far I am far from the ground.
The black I swim in filled with light and things and clouds that were the sky. The coldest water. Deepest mirror of the past and in it I am. Drowned no fine. Fine because I see you."

"Go out. Go out further where the water is fine.
On my bare legs. On my thighs. Knowing what I am. Come the. Still. My. Slipping over hips and stomach. On my mind. Through fingers combing there. Soak in my white shirt colder. Up the spine. Duck it duck it now or I'll never go in.
Baptize. Creep up my throat. Above my head. Wash away all blood. Scrape me free of. Clean now. All the purity I can. There is for me."

"Where I have. Rotten. Been. Where we have. Brother and. Brother and. Go round my head. Simple as it was. Gone. Wrong. Where my hands are. Hold out for me. Hold. I never asked I never did I. Moving. Don't see through you. Is silent and blank. Don't.
Don't forget me because I won't be long. I'm going walking. Over the stones. Close out the cold door. On me. My love. Close out those old stones."

"...Well my girl, you may look down your nose at my beliefs and friends but I wasn't out throwing myself on every man passing while my brother was dying.
You are disgusting. You are. Sick in the head. How you've lived. This filth you've made of yourself.
So now your good kind brother is gone and God forgive me but it's true.
I almost wish it was you lying there in that box.
You. And not. My. Son."

"You have shamed yourself and me and your brother's most of all. I can't even look at you. I haven't wanted you in my home. But I allowed you because I thought you were making amends. But not you. Of course not. Selfish to the last. You couldn't even let your brother's wake pass without making a show of yourself, showing everyone your contempt..."

"Where's my brother? She says I've had enough nough to last a lifetime. Ma. Your brother's dead my girl. Lying stretched out in there as you know well. Left behind in. Your brother's dead and all you can think about is. Before everyone you came here and displayed yourself looking for sympathy. From me? From me? You dirty... I've only so much patience and I've bitten my tongue too long."

"I. In this house of. I am left behind.
Is your face sore?
Not too.
Teach you what. Teach you to walking all times of day and night.
House I am left behind.
Yes Mammy.
You're a disgrace.
I am. I am.
If your father was.
House I am left behind in. If your. I am sit. Curl table body and face.
Sit up while I'm talking.
I'n mammy I. Feel my ebb to the grass and tea with leaves I'n. Going.
Sit up I said. Sit up."

"Stag i can't stan i cn.an't stan i fall down on the splish of the water run it. See my invisible face. i'm drowned i'm awake i'm drowned. No your brother is and not you.
Clickedy click the lights are off. Are on. Water take all. Boil up. i slip in the deep. My face go under there. Purple waves and taste of foam.
You. No. Not here. i'm burn."

"Go she says and have a bath. Lie down and later someone'll take you to get a stitch in that.

I open the door look at. You're awake saying what's gone on you're not. I wish. You were."

"What are you on about? Your lies and lies are. Have you no shame? Mammy. All my shame I give to you. I'm turning off the lights I'm shutting down my doors. What do you mean by that? Don't turn your back on me. What do you mean? Nothing Mammy. I've had enough do you hear me? Enough of you. Your face. You're a state. Making a show of yourself on today of all days."

"I'm screaming in the blackness. Scream until I'm done my body. Full of nothing. Full of dirt the. I am. My I can. There there breath that. Where is your face off somewhere. Where am I lay down this tool. I fall I felled. I banged my face head I think. Time for somewhere. Isgoinghome.
I get there I get. I get to the door. I am. Bleed blood on my mouth. Gone. My I know it's there. Was. Salt and iron. Gone."

"Don't I come all mouth of blood of choking of he there bitch there bithc there there stranlge me strangle how you like it how you think it is fun grouged breath sacld my lungs til I. Puk blod over me frum. In the next but. Let me air. Soon I'n dead I'm sre. Loose. Ver the aIrWays. Here. mY nose my mOuth I. VOMit. Clear. CleaR. He stopS up gETs. Stands uP.
Thanks to your uncle for that like the best fuck I ever had."

"Hear the way he. Sloows. Hurts m. Jesus skreamtheway he. Doos the fuck the fuckink slatch in me. Scream. Kracks. Done fuk me open he dine done on me. Done done Til he hye happy fucky shoves upo comes ui. Kom shitting ut h mith fking kmg I'm fking cmin up you. Retch I. Retch I. Dinneradntea I choke mny. Up my. Thrtoat I. He come hecomehe. More. Slash the fuck the rank the sick up me up he and sticks his fingers in."

"Thighs in claws I vice. Rip m open. I make this. I make this. Undone he push my face hye pusk my head. My eyes flat of his hand. In the skull my. In the muck of my crown of stones. Don't break me open face open. Crushing I hear boines on done he up me fuck me. Smeeling he I don't not do this I a don't know he's fuck me. Stucks the fck the thing in. Me. In. Jesus. I nme. Go. Away."

"Get off me. By the wrist and the hair on my head. I'm. No this isn't. No I. Slap. My brother. No. Shut up. Shut up. My brother died. He's died he's. I don't care a single fuck about. Where's your uncle is he here? Is he here? Scream until I. He. That means no. Enough of that and strike. So hard. Home. On my face. Spew I think of blood or words I bit down on my tongue. Turn the eye off it won't. He punch the bag me."