Status Updates From Challengeri sügavik

“there are books i will never finish reading, games i will never finish playing, movies that ive started and will never see the end of. ever… and so now i mourn. i mourn for the songs that will never reach my ears again. for the words and stories that lie in eternally unopened pages. and i mourn my fifteenth year. and how i will never, from now until then end of time, be able to complete it the way it shouldve

“i still can’t figure out if it’s bravery or cowardice to take your own life. i can’t figure out if it’s being selfish, or selfless. is it the ultimate act of letting go of oneself, or a cheap act of self-possession? people say a failed attempt is a cry for help… it’s a more a cry to be taken seriously. a cry that says ‘i’m hurting so badly, the world must, for once, come to a grinding halt for me

“it occurs to me that the dark must be in love with the light. yet one must always kill the other”

“i’m evolving, is the thing; im a god becoming a constellation”
“the constellations are mostly demigods,” i point out. “and they didn’t get to be constellations until after they died”
he laughs at that, and says, “death is a small sacrifice to become immortal”

“the world just loves to laugh at the absurdity of insanity. i guess what makes it funny to people is that it’s a gross distortion of something very familiar”

“but if i endure it, eventually i will settle in. i will find myself as i was before. we do, you know. find ourselves. although it’s a little harder each time. days pass. weeks. then we squeeze ourselves back into the skin of who we were before all this. we put the pieces back together and get on with things”

“‘it’s good when you do that,’ she tells me as i take her hand one day, ‘it keeps me from falling off.’”

“sometimes i think it would be easier to die than to face that, because “what could have been” is much more highly regarded than “what should have been.” dead kids are put on pedestals, but mentally ill kids get hidden under the rug” :(