Status Updates From Overcoming the Destructive ...

Unsatisfied and not going to finish.

There is no hidden significance to life to be discovered; we must each find our own personal meaning. It is only the investment of ourselves as individuals – in our feelings, our creativity, our interests, and our personal choice of people and activities – that is special. Indeed, we imbue experiences with meaning through our own spirit rather than the opposite, and our priorities express our true identity.

Second, in the new situation, they may feel a deep sadness or become increasingly anxious; generally they suffer some sense of disequilibrium. Last, being close to another person in a loving relationship makes them aware that life is precious but must eventually be surrendered. If we embrace life and love, we must also face the inevitability of death.

When there is emotional pain and rejection in childhood, people form a negative self-image and build defenses in an attempt to avoid being hurt again. A deep love relationship causes them to feel particularly vulnerable, and often there is a recurrence of painful emotions from the past.

My basic thesis was that being exceptionally valued leads to an identity crisis when it conflicts with a person’s character as it was defined within the family.

These affiliations reduce our fear, offer a sense of security, and often lead to feelings of superiority toward people with different belief systems. They comfort us and make us feel less alone, but they polarize against “outsiders.”

Much later, I expanded the concept of the fantasy bond as a psychological survival mechanism to explain people’s overidentification with family members, neighborhood, country, political systems, religious ideologies, and a host of other isms, such as capitalism, nationalism, and communism.