Status Updates From Her Şeyi Bitirmeyi Düşünüyorum

I accidentally stole this from the library (it was on hold for me and I forgot to check it out when I picked it up) but it’s so good that I think I’ll finish before they even notice mwahaha

We can’t and don’t know what others are thinking. We can’t and don’t know what motivations people have for doing the things they do. Ever. Not entirely. This was my terrifying, youthful epiphany. We just never really know anyone. I don’t. Neither do you.

It’s striking. Seeing someone with their parents is a tangible reminder that we’re all composites.

What if suffering doesn’t end with death? How can we know? What if it doesn’t get better? What if death isn’t an escape? What if the maggots continue to feed and feed and feed and continue to be felt?
This possibility scares me.

For years, my life has been flat. I’m not sure how else to describe it. I’ve never admitted it before. I’m not depressed, I don’t think. That’s not what I’m saying. Just flat, listless. So much has felt accidental, unnecessary, arbitrary. It’s been lacking a dimension. Something seems to be missing.
“Sometimes I feel sad for not apparent reason,” I say. “Does this happen to you?”

I think that’s why so many people rush into marriage and stay in shitty relationships, regardless of age, because they aren’t comfortable being alone.